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Trump’s Plans For Smoothie Mustache And Beardo

[Blind Gossip] There is a little chess game that’s going on at the White House right now to position a new player to take over one of our nation’s most important jobs!

Thanks to a source close to the White House, we know that a high-level shuffle has been occurring over the past few weeks.

It involves three men. Let’s call them Smoothie, Mustache, and Beardo.

The President was a big fan of Smoothie when he was first appointed. However, over time, POTUS realized that Smoothie was not quite as aligned with his vision as he originally hoped.

Firing Smoothie would be… awkward. So POTUS consulted with Mustache, another high-level appointee, about how to handle the situation.

Mustache “is definitely on the ascendancy” in The White House and seized the opportunity to help pick Smoothie’s successor. He crafted a plan in which one of his own allies, Beardo, would take over Smoothie’s job.

The President gave his OK, so Mustache and Beardo have been working together over the past few weeks behind the scenes. Their preparations include finding a replacement for Beardo at his current job. That way, when Beardo gets the call from POTUS, he can immediately leave his current job and prepare for the confirmation process.

Now, Smoothie would probably be madder than a poked pit bull to know that Mustache has POTUS’ ear and seems to be calling the shots here. However, Mustache has already moved his allies into place with The President’s approval, so there isn’t much Smoothie can do at this point besides play defense.

Smoothie’s best bet is to simply resign himself to the fact that the end is near… and try to keep from making any big gaffes before it’s his time to leave!

You definitely know Smoothie and Mustache, as they are currently high-ranking officials.

Frankly, you would have to be a Washington insider to know Beardo. The general public will meet him in a few weeks, after the midterms. And then, if everything goes according to Mustache’s plan, you will not stop hearing about Beardo for the next two years!

Similar: Presidential Roommate

Smoothie:

Mustache:

Beardo (not part of the current administration):

Clues:

[Optional] Will you be sorry to see Smoothie go? Please keep your comments civil.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  3. Smoothie John Kelly, Mustache John Bolton, no idea who Beardo is but probably some power-hungry dude. No, I don’t feel sorry for any of those guys.

  6. Smoothie – Sessions
    Mustache – John Bolton
    Beardo- curious!

    No- Sessions should never had recusef himself. He has been paralyzed in the job ever since.

    • He had to recuse due to a conflict of interest. Otherwise he would be risking his law license which, believe it or not, comes with ethical standards. A report to the ABA might initiate an internal investigation which could lead to nothing or kickstart a process that results in disbarment. Is that likely to happen? No. Is it worth it to risk it on such a public stage? No. As my lawyer friend says regarding legal discipline: “you can be drunk, you can be naked, but you can’t be drunk AND…

  7. Smoothie: Defense Secretary General John “Mad Dog” Mattis (“madder than a poked pit bull”, “playing defense”, clean-shaven, awkward to fire a General?)

    Mustache: National Security Advisor John Bolton (new influential favorite of Trump, has a mustache)

    Beardo: controversial Frank Gaffney of The Center for Security Policy, had an interim DoD position under Reagan (“Frankly”, Bolton’s long-term buddy/ally, has a beard, not part of Trump Administration)

    More clues: shots, allies, resign,…

  8. Smoothie: John Kelly
    Mustache: John Bolton
    Beardo: Frank Gaffney (“Frankly”, “gaffe”)

    Yes. Few people are willing to check Trump.

  9. Smoothie: John Kelly
    Mustache: John Bolton
    Beardie: No Clue.

    I’ve read that John Kelly doesn’t exactly tow the line with *.
    John Bolton is a perennial *.

  10. Smoothie: Jeff Sessions

    Mustache: John Bolton

    Beardo (not part of the current administration): Robert Bork

  12. Smoothie is Mattis (madder than a poked pitbull)
    Mustache is Bolton (that ‘stache!)
    The above has been well-reported for months.

    Not sure what Beardo Bolton is pushing for, but he likely has a beard.

    I like Mattis.

  15. Okay, I’ll take a stab at this:

    Smoothie: Jared Kushner
    Mustache: John Bolton
    Beard: Dunno
    Clues, smoothie – Jared is cleanshaven, mustache – as John Bolton has a very distinct one. President was a big fan but realized that he’s mot aligned with Trump’s vision – true of Jared.

  17. I will be sorry to see Mattis go because I think his replacement will be game for invading Iran, North Korea, etc.

    That said, if this guy is a big Bolton ally, I wouldn’t expect an easy confirmation. Bolton’s views still aren’t mainstream GOP (even in its current incarnation).

  19. Smoothie: Jared Kushner
    Mustache: John Bolton

    Beardo: not sure Mark Levin maybe

    Ken Doll smooth Kushner was out of his league and too arrogant with delicate foreign policy. His texting friendship with * was a huge gaffe. He needs to go.

  21. Smoothie: Jim ‘Mad Dog’ Mattis, current Sec. of Defense.

    Mustache: Bolton, currently National security advisor.

    Beardo: No idea.

    Clues: “madder than a poked pit bull” “play defense”

  22. Smoothie is: Sarah Huckabee Sanders

    Mustache or Beardo I have no idea.

    Seriously, the above sounds like his entire 2 years. It’s a constant merry-go-round of who’s actually going to stay longer than a year.

  24. Smoothie — Secretary of Defense, Jim Mattis, aka “Mad Dog”, clue: “madder than a poked pit bull”. Trump now suggests Mattis is a Democrat, so despite his expertise/integrity, Mattis’ tenure is probably short

    Moustache — National Security Advisor, John Bolton…Crazy moustache, and quite the whackjob

    Beardo — Secretary of Defense, Sebastian Gorka? Gorka and Bolton are tight and fanboy one another, and Gorka has a very obnoxious beard. If correct, we’re in trouble, the guy’s a…

  26. Smoothie: John F. Kelly
    Mustache: John Bolton
    Beardo: Charles M. Kupperman

    Bolton has gained influence in this administration and he’s pushing Kelly out. The two of them even had a fight right outside the Oval office. Kupperman is a Bolton guy and he’ll come in as POTUS’ new Chief of Staff, replacing Kelly.

    Clues: Bolton’s circus-like mustache, Kelly comes off as more of a mob guy than a former General (and Smoothie would be a perfect nickname), and Kupperman has a weird scruffy beard.

    • I think you’re right on Kupperman, but I’m pretty sure Smoothie is mad dog Mattis. The Chief of Staff isn’t a confirmed position.

  27. Jeff Sessions
    John Bolton
    Lindsey Graham

    The Trump Administration is so corrupt and they want a new Attorney General who will interfere in the Muller Investigation. Same reason they wanted Kavanaugh appointed before the midterm. Please vote next week for the Blue Wave!

  28. The job is secretary of defense or attorney general.
    Smoothie: Jim Mattis, the SecDef OR Jeff Sessions, the AG
    Mustache: John Bolton, the current NSA, famous for his Lorax-ish mustache and on the rise in the Trump White House. This one I’m 100% on.
    Beardo: Could be Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton, who occasionally sports a beard and who aligns with Bolton policy-wise. If it’s Sessions, Beardo could be Senator Lindsey Graham and Beardo could have, ahem, another meaning.

    • OK, reading it again, Smoothie is definitely Jim Mattis. His nickname is Mad Dog –> “madder than a poked pit bull” and “play defense” –> secretary of defense. Bolton’s involvement also makes for sense for SecDef than if it were AG. So I’ll say Mattis is Smoothie, John Bolton is Mustache and Tom Cotton (who will be replaced in his current job as a senator) is Beardo. Cotton is still obscure enough as a senator that the genera public doesn’t yet know him.

  30. Smoothie: White House Chief of Staff John Kelly

    Mustache: National Security Advisor John Bolton

    Beardo: Center for Security Policy founder and conspiracy theorist Frank Gaffney Jr.

    Clues: facial hair nicknames, Kelly and Bolton hate each other, “gaffes” and “Frankly” point to Gaffney

    • Changing my answer on Smoothie from Kelly to Mattis, for the excellent reasons others have mentioned. Sticking with Bolton and Gaffney for the other two.

  31. Smoothie: Jeff Sessions

    Mustache: John Bolton

    Beardo (not part of the current administration): Lindsey Graham

    Clues: the beard and mustache clues were easy – Smoothie I figure has to be Jeff Sessions because I think Graham won’t get reelected so he will want to be AG for a while

    [Optional] Will you be sorry to see Smoothie go? Please keep your comments civil.

  32. Smoothie: Jared Kushner? After everything with Khashoggi and the Pittsburgh shooting. Plus it would be awkward because he’s married to Ivanka
    Moustache: John Bolton?
    Beardo: No idea.
    Clues: Awkward is the only one I got.

    Optional: I mean, nothing could be funnier than Anthony Scaramucci’s New Yorker interview, but I can only hope

  34. I think Smoothie is probably Attorney General Jeff Sessions.

    I don’t know who Mustache is unless it’s John Bolton, as he has a mustache. Beard must be the replacement AG, but we probably won’t know him unless we’re a DC insider. Too bad, I would like to see Mark Levin or maybe Allen Dershowitz as AG

    I will be happy to see Sessions go. He’s about worthless as an AG.

  35. Smoothie: John Kelly
    Mustache: Bolton of course
    Beardo: Sebastian Gorka who is a great friend of the POTUS and many of us True Patriots know who he is anyway!
    Clues: Pit bull is Bolton – heck just the mustache is enough for that guy! lol

    Optional: Yes, I’m sorry about General Kelly as I like him & think he has kept POTUS from some of his more ham handed mistakes during the early WH months. However, he and Bolton don’t get on & Bolton is an excellent NSA so bye bye Gen Kelly…

  36. Smoothie = Sessions, Mustache = Bolton. Beard is unknown, of course.

    Will I be sorry? Not really except I’m not sure how much he’s doing to protect the Mueller investigation, so we shall see.

    • I doubt you’d have to be a Washington Insider to know about Lindsey Graham. He’s been a senator for years, even run for President 2 years ago, and his temper tantrum during Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearing was everywhere on tv.

    • I agree about Sessions and Bolton. However, I strenuously although politely disagree with Graham’s words being counted as a “temper tantrum.”

  43. Smoothie=Sessions.
    Mustche=Bolton.
    Beardo=?
    Yes because Smoothie recused himself so he can’t interfere w/ Mueller’s work.

  46. General Kelly for Smoothie, John Bolton for Mustache, no clue who Beardo is, but I wonder Beardo is because of beard or “beard”?

  47. Smoothie is Mattis
    Mustache is Bolton
    Beard I have no idea but if it is Gorka I would not be mad, I love Gorka.

  48. Beardo I think is Geraldo Rivera, they have been friends for many years and can take each other’s jabs without issue.