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The Perfect Beard For Sporty

[Blind Gossip] It’s difficult being a man who likes other men… but who has to pretend to like women because he is in a macho career.

So it must be a relief for him to have identified the perfect beard: beautiful, successful, disciplined… and able to keep her mouth shut!

He was the one who suggested her. He didn’t want a model or singer. He gets a hot girlfriend who is all about beauty and grace under pressure and who is disciplined enough to keep her mouth shut. She makes him look good to his athlete buddies and his fans. It’s good for her too, because she is getting ready to move on to her next “career.”

Well, Sporty’s last girlfriend turned out to be annoying, so let’s hope he has better luck with this one.

Oh, there was one more comment that our athlete made that is definitely worth noting.

He said that this one is “pretty enough to marry.” He could go… all… the… way!

Slow your roll there, Sporty!

Not Taylor Swift, who would make a fine beard for any man.

Similar: Two Thirsty People

Sporty:

[Optional] Good choice for him?

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Aaron Rodgers and Danika Patrick. They mimic watching paint dry. Absolutely no chemistry between these two. Watching them kiss is almost painful.

  5. Not getting the clues, but Aaron Rodgers and Danica?

    No. A good choice would be not living a lie. This person (Aaron or whoever) doesn’t need to come out, just live a beardless life.

  13. Aaron Rodgers & new beard Danica Patrick.
    She’s not a good choice because people always bring up how manly she is therefore reminding people of Aaron’s little “secret”.

    Taylor is NOT a fine beard anymore because any guy who dates her automatically outs himself.
    Taylor must be so confused by Troye Sivan. ‘Wait!!! What?!? A famous boy who doesn’t want to “date” me ?!? ‘
    I really wish she’d just stay in her malfunctioning sparkle basket.

  16. Aaron Rodgers and Danica Patrick

    It’s a shame the football elite and the fans are such snowflakes that they can’t accept the fact that there have been homos in sport for as long as there has been sport. He would be such an amazing athlete if he didn’t have to expend so much energy trying (and failing) to convince the world that he’s straight…

    Yes, Danica’s a great choice. Isn’t she on the same team he’s on?

  17. Aaron Rodgers & Danica Patrick

    Danica seems like the sort who would be a nightmare if you did her wrong. Way too intense and kinda skewers me.

  19. That would be Tim Tebow. I love what he stands for and his spirit and character, but it’s sad he can’t live a life where we would be able to show his true self. Everybody would love him anyway.

  30. Danika Patrik and Aaron Rogers. Makes perfect sense. She’s a lesbian and he’s gay.

  31. Aaron Rodgers and Danica Patrick.
    …could go all the way…is what Chris Berman says on ESPN football report.

  34. Aaron Rodgers
    Danica Patrick
    ???????
    Wake me when he finds another “girlfriend”

  47. Aaron Rodgers and Danica Patrick
    yes, good choice! She isn’t cuckoo like Olivia Munn