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The Perfect Beard For Sporty

[Blind Gossip] It’s difficult being a man who likes other men… but who has to pretend to like women because he is in a macho career.

So it must be a relief for him to have identified the perfect beard: beautiful, successful, disciplined… and able to keep her mouth shut!

He was the one who suggested her. He didn’t want a model or singer. He gets a hot girlfriend who is all about beauty and grace under pressure and who is disciplined enough to keep her mouth shut. She makes him look good to his athlete buddies and his fans. It’s good for her too, because she is getting ready to move on to her next “career.”

Well, Sporty’s last girlfriend turned out to be annoying, so let’s hope he has better luck with this one.

Oh, there was one more comment that our athlete made that is definitely worth noting.

He said that this one is “pretty enough to marry.” He could go… all… the… way!

Slow your roll there, Sporty!

Not Taylor Swift, who would make a fine beard for any man.

Similar: Two Thirsty People

Sporty:

[Optional] Good choice for him?

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Aaron Rodgers and Danika Patrick. They mimic watching paint dry. Absolutely no chemistry between these two. Watching them kiss is almost painful.

  12. Aaron Rodgers & new beard Danica Patrick.
    She’s not a good choice because people always bring up how manly she is therefore reminding people of Aaron’s little “secret”.

    Taylor is NOT a fine beard anymore because any guy who dates her automatically outs himself.
    Taylor must be so confused by Troye Sivan. ‘Wait!!! What?!? A famous boy who doesn’t want to “date” me ?!? ‘
    I really wish she’d just stay in her malfunctioning sparkle basket.

  15. Aaron Rodgers and Danica Patrick

    It’s a shame the football elite and the fans are such snowflakes that they can’t accept the fact that there have been homos in sport for as long as there has been sport. He would be such an amazing athlete if he didn’t have to expend so much energy trying (and failing) to convince the world that he’s straight…

    Yes, Danica’s a great choice. Isn’t she on the same team he’s on?

  16. Aaron Rodgers & Danica Patrick

    Danica seems like the sort who would be a nightmare if you did her wrong. Way too intense and kinda skewers me.

  18. That would be Tim Tebow. I love what he stands for and his spirit and character, but it’s sad he can’t live a life where we would be able to show his true self. Everybody would love him anyway.

  29. Danika Patrik and Aaron Rogers. Makes perfect sense. She’s a lesbian and he’s gay.

  30. Aaron Rodgers and Danica Patrick.
    …could go all the way…is what Chris Berman says on ESPN football report.

  33. Aaron Rodgers
    Danica Patrick
    ???????
    Wake me when he finds another “girlfriend”

  46. Aaron Rodgers and Danica Patrick
    yes, good choice! She isn’t cuckoo like Olivia Munn

  55. Aaron Rodgers.
    Danica Patrick is an even more obvious beard than the horrible demon, Olivia Munn.

  59. Sporty: Aaron Rodgers

    Idk anything about him or Danica really, but as long as she knows I don’t see a downside.

  63. Aaron Rodgers aaaaand
    Danica Patrick

    Sounds like she’s a good choice for him, yes, if they are both happy with this business arrangement. I like her because she had the guts to be a race car driver, a dangerous and macho business.

  67. Sporty: Aaron Rogers. Beard: Danica Patrick. I suppose it is a good choice but I can’t see how any woman would beard for a man and waste their time unless there is a huge contract involved. You know he will come out after his career is over.

  74. Aaron Rodgers
    Danica Patrick
    If they are both getting what they need, it’s a good choice.

  75. Purely from “slow your roll”, and his fine method acting on the pitch whenever another player came within 2 ft of his ankles,

    Sporty: Neymar Jr

  76. Tim Tebow! Dating Miss Universe Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters. From one beauty queen to another.

  79. Going with Tim Tebow because there are waaay too many rumors around that guy for there to be no fire.

  84. Sporty: Tim Tebow? (& Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters)

    [Optional] Good choice for him?
    I know she is listed now as a model but she was 2017’s Miss Universe & the blind mentions ‘beauty and grace,’ which makes me think of this pageant. Also, I know Tim Tebow is a very active Christian (as am I & I believe God loves/accepts ALL unlike some) but I heard rumors he might be gay; thus, this is strictly a guess since they’re rumors to me. If he is indeed gay then probably not a good choice.

  85. Aaron Rodgers. Danica Patrick. I never believed Danica was straight so this beard situation might work.

  89. Aaron Rodgers and his GF Danica Patrick. She is moving own from racing to her clothing and wine businesses.

  90. Sporty: Tim teabow – quaterback and baseball player he stated 1 day ago he is ‘dating” miss universe clue – beauty and grace under pressure and who is disciplined enough to keep her mouth shut. Beauty contestant are all about “grace” and the pressue that some with a professional competition.

    [Optional] Good choice for him? It is eventually going to look silly with all these beards.

  95. Sporty: Aaron Rodgers

    Beard: Danica Patrick

    Clues: SLOW, Career change (she just quit racing)

  100. I was pretty sure this was Aaron Rogers until I read the blind again.

    This is a solid Tim Tebow and the new Miss Universe girlfriend.
    The clue? “He could go… all… the… way!” Tim’s a virgin, so…