So… after analyzing, tearing down, rebuilding, caching, upgrading, updating, compressing and patching every application, database, theme, plugin and widget over the past week, the site is still too slow and it’s still really annoying. Which makes it a lot like our last boyfriend.
Long story short, the problem is the server. Congrats to everyone who had the correct answer! Oh, wait, that wasn’t even a blind item. Anyway, we’re going to get all hopped up on PopTarts and coffee and cutover to a new server tonight. Thanks in advance for your patience! Love, BG
UPDATE: It’s now midnight and we’re on the move. COMMENTS ARE CLOSED FOR ALL POSTS. See you on the other side!