[EOnline] Happy Friday, sexy Awful readers! Before you go off and do all those naughty things you have planned for the weekend (and I know you’re going to be up to no good), let me introduce you to pretty and pure Billy Bend-Over.
He’s got rosy cheeks, luscious locks and a bubble butt to boot—all the perfect makings of a movie star, no? Especially with his “aw, shucks” ‘tude that America loves. But Bill has a little secret about how he got to the top…
By getting on bottom! We’ll get to that in one sec though.
See, Billy is no stranger to gay rumors. Homolicious rumors have followed him during his time in the limelight (which big-screen star worth his box office hasn’t had his sexuality questioned?), but the thing is…
Billy is straight. Or so say his pals.
But that never stopped Billy from doing whatever he needed to do to land a role. You didn’t think casting couch biz was exclusively for gals like Portia Vajazzle and Bernadine Couch-Butt, did ya?
Nope! Billy’s toosh is quite cozy with those par-tick couches. Or beds. Or wherever it may be that he needs to perform certain, uh, “auditions” to prove exactly how much he wants a role.
Like he did to land his most iconic big-screen role, when he bedded the director—who was very much a man—to score the gig.
Wonder if it was worth it. And I wonder if it’d be worth it if his fans found out…or worse, his significant other, future 2.5 kiddos and that picket friggin’ fence he so cherishes.
AND IT AIN’T: Peter Facinelli, Alex Pettyfer, Jon Hamm