Aiming For A Big Announcement Next Week

woman bow arrowSOLVED!

[Blind Gossip] This top Actor has gone through several marriages. All of the wives start out as pretty and happy and healthy and self-confident… and end up thin, self-doubting, miserable, and terrified.

This Actress is probably the hottest property in Hollywood right now. Young, pretty, popular, talented, and not afraid to speak her mind. She is especially recognized and loved by the younger fans… and that is exactly why he wants her.

He is part of a organization that is grasping at straws to stay viable. They need a fresh young face to recruit the next generation. She is perfect for that role.

She accepted the first meeting because she he wanted to talk to her about a role in one of his sequel films. It was her favorite film when she was younger, and she always used to picture herself as his love interest. While she decided that it wasn’t the right role for her, it did pique her interest about the Actor and his organization.

She acts cool and relaxed on the outside, but she is actually extremely ambitious. She wants to act, direct and produce. She thinks that he is brilliant and creative and wants to be the female version of him. At his urging, she took a couple of courses to learn more about the organization, and has already signed up for more. They have now secretly met more than two dozen times to talk about how she could be the “first lady” of the organization.  She is hungry to both expand her career and to have a big impact on the world, and he is taking advantage of that ambition. He told her that if she did it his way for a few years, that she would be set up for life… and she bought it.

It was recently announced that our Actress was planning to take a year off to relax after her current project. That is not true. She is taking time off, but there will be nothing relaxing about it. She will be spending it with him. He is currently bankrolling and setting her up in her own production company. They will be announcing their engagement next week. The wedding will be in October. He wants a baby by the middle of next year. The contracts have already been signed, and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it.



Sequel Film:

jennifer lawrence wallpaperSOLVED!

OK, this item is too explosive NOT to solve!

Actor: Tom Cruise

Actress: Jennifer Lawrence

Sequel Film: Top Gun 2


This is certainly the most shocking celebrity gossip item of the year: Tom Cruise and Jennifer Lawrence are getting married!

After three marriages, Tom Cruise can still pull the ladies! He used his boyish good looks and considerable charm to very quietly and successfully woo Lawrence over the course of the last several months. The end result is that the couple will soon join forces both personally and professionally.

We’ve nicknamed the couple “The Claw” (Cruise + Lawrence).

While Jennifer Lawrence did turn down the role of Tom Cruise’s love interest in Top Gun 2, she will still have a very busy year ahead.

Immediately after wrapping her current project, Jennifer will take a year off from acting, and will use that time to concentrate on film production, the wedding, the baby, and her new “religion.”

Jennifer Lawrence is very excited to be hanging out her production shingle. Tom Cruise is fully funding the joint production company with an initial investment of $20 million and an additional $5 million for each year that he and Jennifer are married, with a maximum investment of $70 million.

tom cruise hairThe name of the company – Top Kat Productions – is a nod both to Tom Cruise’s star-making role in Top Gun as well as to Jennifer Lawrence’s star-making role as Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games series. The company logo will be a black and white kitten wearing a tophat.

Jennifer has already decided to take Tom’s last name and will be professionally known as Jennifer Cruise.

More later today on The Claw wedding, the baby the couple wants to have next year, and Lawrence’s training for her new role as “first lady” of the Church of Scientology!

Congratulations to Daisy 12 for being first with the correct guess!


Here are a few more details about the upcoming nuptials of The Claw!







april foolsDid you really believe that Tom Cruise and Jennifer Lawrence were getting married?

If you did, then you are an April Fool!

Every year, people. Every year.

This was our fifth year doing an April Fool’s Day blind item, and it is still so much fun for us! If you liked this item, be sure to check out some of our previous April Fool’s Day efforts!

Long live The Claw!

Previous April Fool’s Day blind items:

2013: Grooming The Children

2012: He Was Not Born A Male

2011: Triple Gay Announcement

2010: World’s Most Famous Couple is Splitting Up

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