EOnline – Prius Crotch-Catch is so famous, so gorgeous, so down with everything cool in T-town: from always dating the hippest dude, to starring in the latest hit. She’s also politically aware! And she’s so full of enviable girl power, so pure! Surely she doesn’t snort evil drugs or sleep around! Everyone loves and wants to be Prius! Oh, and even though PC-C’s fallen in love from time to time, lately, she’s been on her own—but now appears to be settling sweetly down again. Everyone’s breathing a sigh of belated relief. So fab that Prius has met her latest BF, a fine and steady dude who knows nothing of his girl’s immediate and shocking past, which includes: Many, many cocaine-powered nights of hot, endless and very loud sex that white chick Prius just stopped having with Wally Wallup, an African-American dude who’s as studly as he is rich and infamous. No one knew Prius and Wally were dating—and they liked it that way, too, as they were wholly hooking up just for the wild nooky. Jeez, thought it was just the gays who went for the meaningless, sweaty hot sex, but what the ef do I know? Just that the hipster hotel where Wallup and Crotch-Catch always did it became even more infamous than it already is when the gorgeous twosome’s screams, snorts and clandestine meetings became so…well, vocal. Indeed, Mr. Wallup had to start posting his bodyguards outside their suite doors just to keep folks from breaking in and calling 911, or joining in, take your pick. Doesn’t matter anymore, as Prius C-C only has eyes for her just-snagged, far-less-athletic nooky partner. Won’t last. Uh-uh, no friggin’ wild-sex-starved way. Mark my snoopy (and wise) words. And It Aint: Rachel McAdams, Scarlett Johansson, Hayden Panettiere.
BlindGossip – Which legendary entertainer has slipped into Washington D.C. under the radar for a show-stopping performance at one of the official inaugural balls? She wants a big comeback after a multi-year personal slump.
UPDATE: Which entertainer was too wasted to perform at one of the inaugural balls? Her appearance was going to be a surprise comeback performance, but was canceled when it was discovered that she could not even stand up straight.
BlindGossip – This female singer, who has been talking up her performance at an inaugural event for Barack Obama, is quite the political hypocrite. It turns out that she and her family are actually all registered Republicans.
Which politico adulterer finds many normal objects to be too sexually suggestive, and has to have them removed from his sight while he’s making speeches? Word is he gets too distracted to focus on his notes!
Which politician will likely take their entire family down with them as a scandal unfolds? Once investigators start following the money trail, expect a whole closetful of drugs and alcohol and dirty money skeletons to come tumbling out in a disgraceful and ruinous heap. BTW, the politician is not a Governor.
BlindGossip – Which popular R&B singer is seriously considering coming out as a gay man on an upcoming TV show? It seems that the show’s producer and the singer’s ire over the whole Proposition 8 debacle have inspired him to come out of the closet in a very public way.We’ll see if he has the nerve to actually go through with it.
Which famous black male celebrity is not happy about a Barack Obama presidency? He rented a penthouse and invited an assortment of industry people, all white, to watch the presidential election results with him. During the party, they were surprised to hear him say, “I hope McCain wins because he’s more intellectually fit to run this country. A black man would run it into the ground.” As the evening progressed, he became more and more agitated as state-by-state results showed Obama pulling ahead. When Obama was declared the winner, he angrily ordered everyone to get out.
Editor’s Note: This is a rewrite of a Panache Report item.
BlindGossip – Which celebrity showed up at a polling place on Election Day, saw the long line, and demanded that she be allowed to skip to the front? When special accomodations were not made for her, she stormed off in a huff, presumably to another polling place where people would acknowledge her superiority and personally escort her past the unwashed masses into a voting booth big enough to accommodate her inflated ego.