EOnline – Crescent Kumquat sure has many swooning ladies—and drooling gents—wondering which way this young hunk swings. His precious looks seem far too well-groomed to be that of a sports-watchin’, belch-providin’, c*-grabbin’ hetero fella (well, his c*, at least). We’ve heard many stories of Cres’ femme conquests, raunchy, watery and fairly athletic hookups to be exact. But even Toothy Tile’s been known to dabble in dames from time to time, if that says anything about Cres-Cres’ not-so-straight ways. And if Mr. Kumquat’s more frequent nightly habits are at all telling, we’ve got bad news for the horny-for-Crescent gals out there: See, Cres loves to go out and party. Yeah, so what, who doesn’t at his age? A few drinks turn into a lot more, and before ya know it, dude’s libido leads him every which way—par-tick to the bedroom, or whatever comfy surface he can park his luscious, long…limbs on. Often with a bunch of like-minded (and beautifully skinned) boys ‘n’ girls. But guess what? Despite C.K.’s female kiss capades with other gals of his status, Kumquat’s often found after these debauched nights out waking up in the arms of his “very close” guy friends. Spooning. Friggin’ entwined, folks. In front of the gals he was supposedly getting all debauched with the night before. This certainly is as telling and de-lish a plot development as Crescent’s day job churns out, I’ll tell ya that much. And It Ain’t: Adrien Grenier, Penn Bladgley, Kellan Lutz.
Chace Crawford
You can read that crap? I hate Ted’s writing. Once is sorta smiling on the inside funny. Every single time afterwards is like performing surgery on your self without anesthesia.
I agree ^^
Teds writing is like getting teeth pulled…Basicly impossible to guess who the subject is.
robert pattison
I think it’s Chace too. The thing about Ted’s blinds (which are insane and have to be read at least twice) is that sometimes they “alias” he gives for the blind is a hint about the answer. Like, Morgan Mayhem is Lohan. Morgan is her middle name. So doesn’t “Cres Kumquat” sound a bit like “Chace Crawford”… syllabic wise and with alliteration.
Yes, Chase Crawford for sure.
Isn’t John Mayer the one known for his “raunchy, watery” hookups?
It’s got to be the guy from Twilight… the references are all there….swooning ladies, Toothy Tile, nightly habits, beautifully skinned….sounds like a vampire to me.
Toothy Tile is a reference to a separate blind item “regular” of casablanca’s. not necessarily a clue about Crescent Kumquat. I think it’s Chase too!
Is Robert Pattison gay too? NOOO
Chace Crawford, he all but gives this one away
How about David Walliams from Little Britain?
I agree that it seems like Chace. Penn’s on the same show, Adrien plays a character named Chase – it seems to fit.
But I’ll give the ‘out’ that someone on CDAN listed – Ted’s beginning the sentence ‘See, Cres’ is awkward (then again what isn’t about that mumbo-jumbo), but maybe he’s telling us it’s Ryan Seacrest?
James Franco is known to kiss guys at parties, then go home with girls. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s the one either. He’s def bi.
Ryan doesnt have “long limbs”….. he is short, right? My guess is the vampire dude so many ladies/girls seem to like these days. I don’t get it… i think the guy is u-g-l-y.
precious looks, watery and fairly athletic hookups, toothy, luscious, long…limbs, kiss capades…
Kumquat is buying a condo at “The Crescent,” luxury condo building on the Baltimore waterfront. Kumquat and his “snoring” sidekick, are talking about buying it together, alleged to live there as well, to turn it into an “Olympic training ground”.
Mr. Michael Phelps anyone?
Well, according to Ted today, it’s definitely NOT Rob Pattinson….thank god….lol…
I think Chace, that was my immediate response, and the Toothy Tile reference is nothing, Toothy has been outed by Ted as Jake Gyhllenhal or however you spell his name, plus it references how “pretty and grommed” the guy is and Chase is DEF pretty and groomed!!
Actually, I think the tide on Jake being Toothy has turned. Matthew McConaughy is the man now.
Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile speed racer Matt Damon? He has a great smile, and people are always joking that he and Ben are “together.”
H. King
San Diego
Dear Good Will Guesser:
Nope, but you are very close, pumpkin. Deliciously so.
Dear Ted:
Please don’t be like Toothy himself when asked a tough question. Just give a simple answer. A yes or no will do. No beating around the bush or skirting the issue. Is there a Baby Tile?
—Tom, Mt. Laurel
Dear Gay Shooter:
Yes.
The actors initials are in the middle of the alphabet too.
The sexually ambiguous Keanu Reeves (It was the Kumquat = Chinese, Keanu is Chinese!) – Although his publicist tries to position him as “Canadian”, plus he is in his mid-40′s now, so partying would be absurd at his age.
Mike Myers?
I feel like this is Chase Crawford or R.Pats.
Chase has been seen with many ladies, but ppl still say he is gay.
If you take Ted literally–cagey guy that he is–then of course there’s a Baby Tile if Toothy is Jake Gyllenhaal. Baby Tile would be Maggie Gyllenhaal’s daughter Ramona by Peter Sarsgaard.
MICHAEL PHELPS!!!!!
what about taylor kitsch from friday night lights?
i thought zac efron-but what do i know?
brody Jenner!!
Simon Cowell
I always thought Toothy Tiles was Tom Cruise. Hum.