Scheming Sausage Plans A Cocktail Weenie

[EOnline] You all remember Carol Anne Sausage-Snatcher, right?

She was the chick who couldn’t quite keep her hands to herself despite the fact that she has an oh-so-loving (and pretty damn hunky) guy at home.

Well, Car has had a change of heart. And it all has to do with her best gal-pal, Carmelita Salami-Climber.

Let’s back up a bit: Remember how Carm’s close friends were worried that her dude wasn’t up to snuff?

Well they were right and he hit the road, leaving Carmelita to nurse her broken heart (trust us, that split is so not worth a Vice in itself).

Here’s the thing: While Carol Anne lets her bestie cry on her shoulder, she’s secretly scheming how to keep her own relationship together…ya know, so she doesn’t end up like her forever alone amigo.

That’s right: Carol Anne is getting her s–t together!

And the first plan of action? Get herself knocked up pronto.

Carol Anne has convinced herself that if she can get her man to get her preggo, everything will shape up in their sometimes rocky relaysh. As in, she’ll stop parting [sic] and then they’ll stop fighting.

How terribly old fashioned of her, no?!

And It Ain’t: Naya Rivera, Jennifer Aniston, Blake Lively

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26 comments to Scheming Sausage Plans A Cocktail Weenie

  • raslebol

    if she’s Khloe Kardashian ,there is a trouble because Khloe K tries to be pregnant since some months

    • meowingloudly

      Lamar considered “hunky”?
      **Vomits**

      I dunno..I expected this to be a real celebrity not the karTrashians since it isn’t really much of a shock when they do immoral things since their whole careers is based on immorality.so we are desensitized to it.
      Especially Kims with her gold digging money grubbing ways, selling her soul, selling her vagina to the highest bidder, being a toilet, marrying for a tv show etc

      As much as I think Kris humphries is a bone head, I do feel sorry for him, he is a good christian boy who actually respected marriage and loyalty..how on earth he got mixed up with scum like Kim is beyond me.

      Least he was honest to her and not a “yes man” like everyone else around her. Of course she won’t be famous in a few years..no reality pseudo celebrities fame ever lasts..look how big tila tequila was back In the day..now look at her!
      Pretty soon Kim will be tila tequila 2.0 and America will look up to some new trash, probably even * then kim, since that’s what sells reality shows! No ones going to watch a show of a respectful family being decent human beings..they want backstabbing Immoral * so we can all watch and feel better about ourselves that we are not such shameless souless beings and laugh at their ignorance. Kim kardashian is seriously the most shameless human being on the planet, after everyone realized she faked her wedding and broke the poor mans heart, and decided to voice their hatred for her instead of just think it silently, suddenly she thinks she can turn into mother Theresa, never in her life has she done charity, then suddenly she becomes the most hated woman in the world so she goes to a soup kitchen ONCE for 2 minutes and calls in the paparazzi, of course. Then starts planting stories of doing a charity trip to Haiti when we all know the immoral * is only going to Haiti for some set up paparazzi shots and to bang a few cabana boys and drink coconut cocktails.
      /rant.

  • amagod121

    Oh, what the heck…Kate Moss? I understand that her partying has been causing problems in her new marriage.

  • Smokey

    Mama Kris Kardashian. After all, a 55 yr old can get pg, right?

  • Tracy511

    I think Carol Anne is Khloe and Carmelita is Kim.

  • Deeva E

    p*rn star Kim’s friend LaLa or something like that who’s married to a basketball player

  • meowingloudly

    I would have thought this was Angelina Jolie, fits her to a tee! Other then the part about her having a friend. Damn!

    It might not be a friend though, it could be a coworker or even assistant maybe, so I’m not going to rule out ange.

    It’s weird because even before ange admitted she had no friends, I always thought she wouldn’t, you never see her out with anyone but her kids or brad.

    I really think her and brad hate each other.
    Watching both their 60 minutes interviews said a lot about them.

    Ange was like ” I still have a wild side..its just..it belongs to *brad* now. But before she said brad her face screws up and her voice changes, like she’s utterly furious and has deep hatred for him.

    Then in brads interviews he acts very suss around the subject of more kiddo his face also screwed up and you could just tell the love between them died long ago..but their staying together for the kids and possibly for vanity reasons as together they are probably hollywoods most powerful couple, but apart they’d lose that status.

    Both would be alot less famous without the other.

    They despise each other, and I think ange is going to try to pop out another kid to keep him chained down for another few years since now the twins are getting older he is probably thinking he could leave soon..I think they were about to split before the twins but the twins kept them together.

    • Okayeah

      Wow. Just…wow. That’s some extreme hatred ya got going on there.

    • luvprue1

      There was a lot rumors/reports that Brad was talking to a divorce lawyer to find out his option on how he can get full custody of Shiloh prior to her having the twins. But would she really have more kids just to get Brad to stay? I mean, Brad once said that he would not married Angelina until gays have the right to marry. Well they did have the rights to marry,and he still haven’t marry her yet.

  • BitterBlondin

    Kristin Cavallari? I really have no idea.

  • DHK101

    Ted has said once they are not related and kim Kardashian is believed to be Carmelita. My guess for Carol Anne is Brittny Gastineau. Kim’s BFF that she recently made up with during her divorce.

    • Beauty

      Kim K. and Vanessa Lachey are friends. They appeared in a movie together. Nick made a statement a few weeks ago that he and Nessa were waiting to have kids. Maybe she changed her mind after Kim’s marriage imploded. Kim and Nick dated briefly in 2006 and he was at Kim’s birthday party a few months ago. Kimmy is a viper. I’m embarassed to know all this.

  • AnnieC

    Katy Perry, Russell Brand & Rihanna! :-)

  • stolidog

    if ted’s blinds include reality stars, then they are not worth reading. There has to be some distinction between “star” and “trash” besides an H.

  • kangaroov

    I’m on the other side of the world, but I really hope people in the USA don’t care enough about Britney Gastineau to write this many words.

    I so hope it is someone more interesting.

  • Megley

    What do the AIAs have in common?

  • GingerNaps

    What about Cameron Diaz as Carmelita? Could her best friend be the partier Drew Barrymore?

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