Carson Has Moved On To Bigger Gays

[EOnline] Hildago’s B*tch Has Moved On to Bigger Gays

It wasn’t Hildago Van Buren who had most people intrigued a couple of weeks ago, but instead, the guy with all the young fans who kept rubbing himself up Hildago’s backside! Who could it have been?

Well, I think it’s time for everybody to meet Carson Ampi-Dickorous, one of Hollywood’s most charming sex add*cts…

Who not only uses his skills for personal enjoyment, but for work duties, as well!

Now, the last time we heard from (and saw) Carson, he was mime breeding HIildago’s behind, and it wasn’t that big of a deal. After all, more than a few people in town know what an aspiring slut Carson is and how he’ll at least make out—if not go all the way—with practically anybody for a good time.

But what is on some Hollywood folks’ minds now is just how far will Carson go for a job? In other words, would Carson actually sell his soul (and his services) out just to land a primo part?

Perhaps. Because one of the hottest guys in TV (who’s largely responsible for Carson’s recent re-entry into the fame game) is working on some new projects. And Mr. Ampi-Dickorous has made it very plain to his employer just how far he’d be willing to go for a chance at that new gig.

Will it work? Honestly? Probably.

You think only straight casting couches are alive and well in this town?

And It Ain’t: Robert Downey Jr., Alec Baldwin, Jamie Foxx

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52 comments to Carson Has Moved On To Bigger Gays

  • Smokey

    David Duchovny?

  • ClueMeIn

    I don’t get this…

  • dingopop

    John Stamos or Ashton Kutcher?

  • lahteb

    Ed Westwick

  • Camembert

    The common guess for Hidalgo is NPH but no one was sure about the other guy. I’m even less sure now. Which actor is seeing a significant resurgence in his career? And this actor has to have a young (“somebody with hundreds of thousands of teeny-bopper fans” from the previous item) fan base. I got nothing right now.

  • Tru Tru2

    hmmm, I goota think on this one.

  • FzFzFz

    So this guy is how old? This is the same guy who has a bunch of young fans that would turn on him if they knew he was gay, right? And he’s supposed to be one of the most famous people in the world?

    I know of absolutely no one that fits. And all of the “and it ain’ts” are older. Who in that age group has young fans and is insanely famous?

    • tinker

      Agreed.

      I’m kind of stuck on John Stamos for this, what with him bagging himself a new lead role, but the young fans that would turn on him if they knew he was gay thing is really throwing me off – and he’s hardly one of the most famous people in the world either, so he really doesn’t fit this.

    • dee123

      Yeah, this blind is all over the place (& i usually can translate Ted speak into English).

    • yepimbored

      You’re right. Before Ted gave him a moniker, he said Carson was “slightly older than Joe Jonas and Taylor Lautner”. When I think of “slightly,” I’m thinking between the ages of 23-25 because Joe is only 22. The AIA’s are over 40. John Stamos is 48. I wouldn’t call a 16 year (or 19 when compared to TL) difference “slightly”.

  • Camembert

    Why do I want to say this guy is Mike Myers? I’m sure he has young fans from the Shrek movies and, perhaps, the Austin Powers series. Austin Powers could be considered a sex addict. Myers is rumored to be gay and closeted, but I can’t imagine anyone really caring much.

  • seashore

    Carson’s ‘re-entry ‘ – I’m thinking shuttles, I’m thinking space movies…

  • seashore

    ..I’m thinking Cowboys and Aliens

  • karlos

    In Examiner.com, May 15, is article about Neil Patrick Harris speaking very positively about the choice of Ashton Kutcher to join Two and a Half Men.

    • karlos

      Quote: “Neil Patrick Haris may not be a cast member on “Two and a Half Men,” but he certainly has a personal reason to be invested in the changing of the guard from Charlie Sheen to Ashton Kutcher. As a cast member on “How I Met Your Mother,” the performance of one show could in many ways help out the other (even if “Men” airs an hour later on CBS).

      So what was Neil’s response to the decision to hire Ashton has the new star of the show? Writing in a new post on Twitter, the actor congratulated the network on the switch:

      “Ashton’s replacing Charlie? Good times! CBS shindigs just got much easier on the eyes…”

      http://www.examiner.com/tv-in-national/neil-patrick-harris-talks-ashton-kutcher-two-and-a-half-men-hire

    • karlos

      In clarification of my answer, the article commented that Neil Patrick Harris had a personal interest in the choice of Ashton Kutcher because success for Two and a Half Men “could in many ways help out” Harris’ show, How I Met Your Mother.

    • karlos

      The name Carson Ampi-Dickerous plays the “sounds like” game. Carson Dicker sounds like Ashton Kutcher, especially considering that D*ck and Kutch (prounounced “c**ch” are simply names for private parts. The “Ambi” hypenate sounds like Demi to clench the reference. The “ous” on the end of Dickerous just means like, as, in the nature of, so the name is Carson Dicker, i.e. Ashton Kutcher

    • karlos

      The name Carson Ampi-Dickerous plays the “sounds like” game. Carson Dicker sounds like Ashton Kutcher, especially considering that D*ck and Kutch (prounounced “c**ch” are simply names for private parts. The “Ampi” hypenate sounds like Demi to clench the reference. The “ous” on the end of Dickerous just means like, as, in the nature of, so the name is Carson Dicker, i.e. Ashton Kutcher

  • GoesInCircles

    I was gonna guess Ashton nut I think he already has a BV moniker, plus he is married and neither item has mentioned marriage.

  • skimpypants

    This makes me think of Russell Brand.

  • JustAGuess

    Not sure, but I would think “That 70’s Show” got Ashton a lot of younger teen fans at the time.

  • Marissa

    The only ambidextrous celeb I know of is Demetri Martin, the comedian. He has a younger fan base, and uses his ambidextrousness in his comedy act. He does movie work too…but I doubt it’s him.

  • pumpkin

    I’m being swayed by the John Stamos thing. There certainly are a lot of teenybopper fans of Glee.

    It seems that Ryan Murphy is developing a show for John Stamos as we speak (well, as of a year ago)!

    Can I give the link to e-online for that scoop, BG? If so,
    http://www.eonline.com/news/watch_with_kristin/glee_scoop_britney_lockdown_romance/196520

    Also, I think there have been rumors of Stamos’s sexual addiction for a long time now, involving men and women.

    The only thing that stops me is the idea that John Stamos is one of the biggest stars in the world…unless…”biggest stars” refers to the size of John Stamos’s penis.

    I have heard rumors…

  • CheshireKitty

    I’m not buying John Stamos on account of Glee fans turning on him. Hello, most of the fanbase desperately wants MORE homosexual relationships (Brittana). If John were gay, they would love him more.

  • ToadKisser

    Stamos might qualify as one of the biggest stars in the world due to the fact that Full House is still extremely popular in a lot of foreign countries.

    • ethel skinner

      I’m in the UK and the ONLY thing I’ve ever seen Stamos in was ER! Certainly not a big star here, and too old for teeny-bopper fans, IMO.

      Having said that… I have literally no idea who this could be. I’m hung up on the bit: “Because one of the hottest guys in TV (who’s largely responsible for Carson’s recent re-entry into the fame game) is working on some new projects.”
      …just off to get my thinking cap

  • ferrd69

    how EFFN hot is RDJ? whooo!

  • pookie

    For some reason I am picturing James Franco hitting on Ryan Seacrest. I am not a fan so I have no idea if he has a lot of young fans.

    • Katester

      Franco would be ideal…. but like Kutcher, Franco is already in the BV Hall of Fame and therefore this can’t be him

  • CatInTheHat

    Thinking Alex Pettyfer or Kellan Lutz for some reason.

  • countesslurkula

    Hildago = Neil Patrick Harris
    Carson – Justin Bieber
    Big Production = Muppet Movie (Selena Gomez is a costar)

  • stolidog

    Hidalgo = NPH
    Carson = Cory Monteith
    Producer = Ryan Murphy

    • CheshireKitty

      Glee fans love the gay – they’re ticked that Brittana hasn’t become front and centre. If Cory came out, they’d just adore him and root for him to date Chris Colfer.

  • Katester

    I would love this to be the Biebs, but unfortunately Ted said age of 23-25. This also eliminated Stamos, although to me everything else about this fits Stamos pretty well.

    Who in that age group did TV and has experienced a resurgence in popularity as a result?

    • pumpkin

      I didn’t realize Tedd gave that range. That doesn’t match with his AIAs.

      • yepimbored

        Ted said Carson was “slightly older than Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas”. Joe is 22 so that would mean Carson would have to be someone in his early to mid twenties.

  • marbrown55

    Ashton Kutcher

  • irishmarty

    This is too long and confusing.

  • Deadman

    What? no video?

  • Rock90210

    Travolta.