Shafterella Leaves the Evil Conniving to Others

[EOnline] Shafterella Shoshstein and Cruella St. Shackles really should make a movie together. After all, these two mega-manipulators are made for each other!

A new version of Thelma &  Louise, maybe? Nah, a remake of Black Swan would be better, with Shafterella playing the crafty Natalie Portman part, and Cruella going for Winona Ryder’s tragic, aging diva character.

But, dolls, we are way off topic here, which is to report that real-life power manipulator Shafterella has been corralling her friends to…

Do her dirty work for her.

Now, it’s no surprise that Ms. S.—whose multi-talents apparently extend behind the camera, as well—has been demanding that those who are employed by her do her nasty bidding for years. This is pretty much legend. Whether it’s been dropping friends, movies or lunch dates, those not-nice tasks have always been left to those on Shafterella’s payroll—all so Shafty can plead innocence if ever confronted and proclaim, “Why I had no idea they did that…”

But S2’s gotten so used to the Teflon way of life, she’s now started to get her friends—as well as her man—in on the act, having them send messages of preachy recrimination to those who displease Shafterella (trust us, the list is looong).

Hmmm. Is this the reason Shafty’s coterie of BFFs is not quite what it once was? And is that the reason Ms. Shoshstein’s been putting a few too many away lately? Oh my, the nasty domino gossip effect just keeps going on and on—it’s all too yummy for words!

Just don’t let Shafty catch you talking about any of this, or she’ll send one of her humorless and unattractive mouthpieces (whether paid or not, Shafty always makes it a point to surround herself with less pretty people, always has) to tear you a new a-hole!

Bitch knows the right devil messenger service to use!

AND IT AIN’T: Nicole Kidman, Cindy Crawford, Christina Aguilera

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78 comments to Shafterella Leaves the Evil Conniving to Others

  • VinylDestination

    Only person that comes to mind is Madonna. Mostly because of the “multi-talents apparently extend behind the camera, as well”. She directed W.E. And I know she didn’t actually fire one of her previous manager when she needed to fire him. She had someone else do it. I think his name was Freddy DeMann.

    • Seanx40

      But Madonna doesn’t actually have any talent. Can’t sing. Can’t act. She is just smart,hard working, and manipulative. No actual talent.

      As Dennis Miller once said “Madonna is Madonna because no one else wanted to be be Madonna that bad”. Well, until Gaga showed up

    • Camembert

      Madonna doesn’t have a man right now nor has she put on any significant weight.

      • Miss Chernobyl 2011

        Where does it say that she’s been gaining any weight?

      • gippercat

        I took this line to mean SS was hitting the sauce: “And is that the reason Ms. Shoshstein’s been putting a few too many away lately?”

    • O-Kay

      Shafterella has long been assumed to be Reese Witherspoon, and Cruella is none other than Nicole Kidman.

    • YoGo

      Shafterella has been pretty much accepted to be Reese Witherspoon wasn’t it? Dunno about the other.

      That Shafty has a ‘man’ in reference all of sudden suggests PR shill Jim Toth is now sending sticky memos.

      I dunno whether this is all true or Ted’s got a bee in his bonnet. I am sure Witherspoon isn’t 24/7 bad news all the time but she will know how to play the system. She is, after all, an excellent businesswoman who willingly bearded for Jake for 2 years.

      • redstilettos

        I have a hard time believing she’s 100% evil. Also, Reese doesn’t come across as a fan of E! & Ted so he may just have a bone to pick with her.

  • UptightCitizensBrigade

    I agree about the writing style, though I find it fascinating sometimes. How does he keep on??

    Anyway, I think the popular guesses have been Shafty as Reese Witherspoon, and Cruella as Nicole Kidman.

    Might be a dig at Reese’s own recent dig at not-my-naked-pictures-Blake-Lively?

  • waxDiva

    I hate them, too. Sooooo confusing! I mean, just come out with it, just say what ya gotta say!

  • Newtsgal

    Reese Witherspoon & Jennifer Aniston (for the aging part) LOL!

  • ohhaiHolli

    Definitely Kim Kardashian & Paris Hilton! All clues definitely point to them..
    Cruella would be Paris Hilton, the aging socialite, while Shafterella would be KK.
    The use if “dolls” that KK always, so annoyingly, uses..
    “BFFs”- Paris Hilton, My New BFF” was PH’s show..

  • noms

    gwyneth paltrow

  • acancan123

    What about Paris Hilton? The part about manipulating her man to do her dirty work struck me as apropos, as did the part about Cruella, the aging counterpart. I dunno. This is a toughie, but I do know Hilton & her mama were on “The View” recently, and it appeared to be a tense (and terse) interview. In addition, rumors later developed about their subsequent dissatisfaction w/ Barbara Walters’ aggressive interview tactics, thereby propagating reports about their (allegedly) entitled & negative behavior backstage after the interview concluded.

    • msp96302

      Paris and Brooke Mueller maybe?

    • Miss Chernobyl 2011

      whoa, once again, why do you consider 30 years old to be aging?

      • Beans345

        THANK YOU miss chernobyl!

      • Mumumumu

        He/she was referring to how Hollywood perceives women’s age.

        In the real world 30 is young. But in the Hollywood world, 40 is considered over the hill. So in Hollywood-speak 30 is aging.

        Since I’m 42, in Hollywood I would probably be considered headed for the nursing home with my walker in tow.

      • Miss Chernobyl 2011

        Yes I realize that people “age” faster in Hollywood but 30 is not aging. Late 30’s perhaps, but not 30. Natalie Portman, Reese Witherspoon, Michelle Williams, Kim Kardashian, and January Jones are all 30 or in their early 30’s and Hollywood does not consider them to be aging. Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston, who are in their late 30’s, are probably considered “aging” by Hollywood standards, but they are still playing hot-to-trot lead romantic characters.

  • acancan123

    I like ohhaiHolli’s guess too. Wish I’d seen it before posting my response, but I probably missed it just as it was coming out of moderation. :) <3 <3 <3

  • davew

    Right, so it’s likely Reese Witherspoon. But this isn’t exactly juicy gossip – so she gets her friends to badmouth people for her? Pshaw, they probably all do. And no BV from Ted last week either – he seems to be running a bit low on the hot goss recently?

  • crazycatlady

    Shafterella Shoshstein is believed to be Reese Witherspoon, and Cruella St. Shackles — Nicole Kidman, according to old gossip items of Ted’s.

    • Outlineboy

      I quit reading Ted years ago because his style gives me a headache. What is the significance of those screen names with the actresses you mention. IOW, what the hell do those names mean???

      • YoGo

        I quit reading Ted because he spent a lot of time asking/telling closeted actors/actresses to come out and be proud (which he appeared serious about, without giving names away) and then ruining his own hustle by allegedly caving in to pressure from the suits at E! and then inning half the Twilight cast, writing some of the most ridiculous double-standard wishy-washy fake heterosexual Twi-romance seen on the internet, just for hits. What a turncoat.

  • Nicky

    Reese for Shafterella and Nicole Kidman for Cruella. On some bitchbacks on the awful truth ted mentions the ending of jake and reese as jake being -left in the lurch- and its beig referenced in toothy tile and shafterella shoshstein vices. Love you BG xxxx

  • katiemarie

    Totally Reese.

  • ImThinking

    Im 99% sure that Shafterella is Keira Christina Knightley 😉 First her resemblance to actress Natalie Portman, second her substantial role in the UK theatrical feature, “The Hole” (2001), third “Why I had no idea they did that…” Only a British person speaks like that. And she is the face of numerous companies, including Ausprey jewelers and Chanel perfume. She was also in Domino in 2005. So Keira Knightley is Shafterella Shoshstein and Cruella St. Shackles I think is Scarlett Johansson, they did a naked shoot together for Vanity Fair.

  • ImThinking

    Im 99% sure that Shafterella is Keira Christina Knightley.First her resemblance to actress Natalie Portman, second her substantial role in the UK theatrical feature, “The Hole” 2001, third “Why I had no idea they did that…” Only a British person speaks like that. And she is the face of numerous companies, including Ausprey jewelers and Chanel perfume. She was also in Domino in 2005. So Keira Knightley is Shafterella Shoshstein and Cruella St. Shackles I think is Scarlett Johansson, they did a naked shoot together for Vanity Fair.

    • aeduko

      Starting a sentence like “Why, I had no idea that . . . ” is also a southern thing. Reese is from the south.

  • Divide by Zero

    Older blinds still suggest Reece (blech) Witherspoon for Shafterella and Nicole Kidman for Cruella. This seems to indicate the same.

  • Scorpio13

    Beyounce comes to mind.

  • cocobeannns

    Reese sounds about right. I’m a fan of hers, but I don’t for a second believe she’s as innocent as she portrays. This was made even more obvious at the MTV Movie Awards last Sunday. Girl put away more then just a few drinks, that was very apparent. Her dig at Blake and the photo scandal didn’t help matters either. Her sweet, southern girl act is not fooling anyone.

    • YoGo

      You are the best type of fan imo. There are fans that see and want to make everyone else believe a star is perfect and can do no wrong, but if we can accept their warts, accept they have bad days or have a bitchy side we accept them for who they probably really are. And still manage to appreciate their acting or themselves. We don’t have to live with them, but acknowledging they have faults/issues makes them more rounded, interesting or challenging people in lots of ways. Nobody wants to think someone is bad all the time, but it’s silly to pretend stars go around sprinkling fairy dust all day long.

  • Jilliterate

    Well, I think Cruella being Kidman is pretty much accepted at this point, but I’m not totally sold on Reese as Shafterella. It certainly fits what I’ve heard about her personality, but does she really have “multi-talents” that “apparently extend behind the camera”? She has a few producer credits, but does that qualify as multi-talented?

    • EastSideGirl

      Reese won an oscar for her portrayal of June Carter Cash. She sang every song in that film… That’s some talent.

      • Jilliterate

        Yeah, I was thinking about that, but I wasn’t sure if “behind the camera” specifically had to mean like a director, or if her singing qualified. If so, then I’m sold.

      • ivyleaguer

        behind the camera could mean producer. Which actresses are getting producer credits these days?

      • Jilliterate

        Reese has a few producer credits, so between those and the singing, that sounds multi-talented to me. I’m convinced.

    • rayodeplata

      Apparently she did the singing in that movie about Johnny Cash & June.

  • AuntieMame

    Gwyneth Paltrow. Teflon, lunch, yummy – her talent behind the scenes being her cooking. Is she hitting the bottle or the paella pan?

    • Zackster

      It’s talent behind the camera, not talent behind the scenes. As in directing or producing.

  • bunny1977

    long time lurker, first time poster
    COME ON!!! It is obviously Nicole Smervzinger from pussycat DOLLS and Paula Abdul.
    thank you blindgossip for making my unemplyment bareable.

  • dee123

    Reese Witherspoon, total fakes like Nicole Kidman & Taylor Swift.

  • Tru Tru2

    I’m going w/Courtney Cox and Jen Aniston, they popped into my head first. They are no longer close, per the media.

    Jen strikes me as the type to have others do her dirty work, so she can stay in her element, LOL Courtney too

    this blind reads very tricky ‘like’-tough read.

  • Norcalgal

    Reese Witherspoon. This is Ted Casablanca’s fourth Shafterella Shoshstein item. Their clues all point to Reese. The following ladies have been eliminated by Ted to date:

    “And It Ain’t”:  Whitney Houston, Halle Berry, Britney Spears, Shoshanna Lonstein, Jennifer Garner, Uma Thurman, Oprah Winfrey, Alanis Morissette, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Hilary Swank, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Venus Williams, Demi Moore, Jessica Simpson, Anne Hathaway Mary-Louise Parker, Sophia Bush, Miley Cyrus, Jessica Szohr, Michelle Williams, Demi Lovato, Blake Lively, Amanda Seyfried, Kristen Stewart, Nicole Kidman, Cindy Crawford, Christina Aguilera.

    • YoGo

      Yeah. You don’t have a list that big and not feature Reese Witherspoon’s name in there if it’s not her by now. Same with Jake, lists a mile long for Toothy Tile ‘It Aint’s’ and his name nowhere to be seen on them after a billion years, well six!

    • kellyj

      Ted’s blinds with all these Toothy this and Shafterella thats are getting on my nerves.

      He’s getting a little too cutesey with the words…just right the freakin’ blind and be done with it, Ted!

  • O-Kay

    Hey, BG – can you tell me why my comments are always been moderated now? They never used to be!

  • rayodeplata

    I fail to see the connection to Cindy Crawford… or is it totally random?

  • apple martini

    If I remember my BVs correctly, Shafterella is Reese Witherspoon and Cruella is Nicole Kidman.

    • apple martini

      And Reese does make sense. We’re basically looking for a type wh plays innocent but really isn’t, has multiple industry talents (Reese acts, sings and has her own production company) and whose stock has plunged somewhat lately.

      • apple martini

        To be even more specific, here are previous BVs about Shafterella:
        1. One in March 2008 implying that her recent breakup with her “man-slut” partner wasn’t entirely his fault and that she wasn’t an innocent victim. Points to Witherspoon’s divorce from Ryan Phillippe.
        2. There’s another from June 2010 saying that she dumped her gay P.R. boyfriend and left him hanging, which made him mad because she had a real boyfriend on the side and he was genuinely trying to make the relationship look real. Points to her “abrupt” breakup with Jake Gyllenhaal.

  • Lassie

    Reese. (If I was rich n’ famous and had an army of paid flunkies to do my bidding, *I* would certainly have them do my dirty work!)

  • AlliCat

    Too lazy to look up other Shafty blinds right now… but from this one, I thought Gwenyth Paltrow (seems to be a lot of cooking references OR Drew Barrymore (reference to the girl posse… the ‘girlfriends’ thing has always seemed to her schtick)

  • Layale

    Taylor Swift and Shania Twain. They did a “Thelma and Louise” parady for the CMT Awards.

  • Tracy

    I’m a newbie, so I agree with everyone those who have all the details on the BV profiles cuz they seem to be pros and they all agree(i.e. crazycatlady, Divide by Zero, Norcalgal & apple martini)! :)

  • malkatz

    Everyone’s saying Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon, but it specifically says Kidman isn’t involved.

  • pumpkin

    Reese for sure! Here’s Ted in 2008:

    Reese, the New Angie!

    (read the whole thing and compare to other Shafty billings but here is the money quote for this one)

    “R.W. beams while her myriad representatives take care of the dirty work in town, trust me on this score.”

  • SheSellsSeaShells

    Reese gets my vote . First time poster BG love love you!