Super Duper Cooper Needs a Pooper Scooper

EOnline – It’s a good thing Super-Duper Cooper, whose bedroom habits stink to high heaven, is pretty hot. Otherwise, what you’re about to read would be virtually impossible to fathom. I mean, k*nky sex is one thing, but totally debauched, gross-out nooky with an ever grosser-looking partner would be just beyond hideous, right?

Still, babes, hold off on eating your lunch ‘cause what you’re fixing to read, about what Super’s been up to, will probably make you want toss your cookies:

Coop, who still manages to bed all the good-looking gals he can find (despite claiming the opposite), recently stayed at his fave deluxe Vegas hotel. The place was used to catering to Cooper’s starry ways: Women constantly in and out of his room, the suite always left a mess, etc. Nobody ever said anything, discretion is this celeb hang’s policy!

But that was before.

After Super-Duper’s most recent stay, he left behind a gift. It was a bag, actually. The housekeeper found it. She opened it up, thinking she’d get a delightful, vicarious big-celebrity thrill, getting a look at the fancy stuff before, of course, returning it to management so Super could retrieve his forgotten goodies.

Well, guess what she found? A bunch of s–t. Literally. Now, technically, they were crap-covered bed linens (which, clearly, Coop was planning on throwing out, but forgot). But listen up, the predominant ingredient in that damn bag was overwhelmingly made of human feces. With a nice chaser of dried seminal fluid, just to top things off nicely.

Now, Super, you bizarro perv, we already knew you were into sex-with-poop, but the thing we don’t get—like at all—is where the hell do you find these chicks who participate in the stinky stuff, too? Are they really into it, or do they just play along (and hold their noses)?

Or are we just boring old vanilla-sex types, and is fornication with turds the new black? Are we that behind with the latest trends? Do tell, Super! Tweet us an answer, pronto, por favor!

At any rate, the Vegas joint’s concierges are at a loss as to what they’re going to say to Super next time he books a room. May we suggest: “So very sorry we can’t accommodate you, Mr. Cooper, but unfortunately, we’re as full as your bowels.”

And It Ain’t: Justin Timberlake, Kanye West, Colin Farrell

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127 comments to Super Duper Cooper Needs a Pooper Scooper

    • Dont Know For Sure

      Good guess. He was in Miami Vice, the movie, with Colin Farrell. He did a song with Kanye West (“Slow Jams”) and like Justin he is a singer and actor.

    • Lalalalaaa

      I like this guess.

      • Lalalalaaa

        Wait…this may be wrong. Jamie and John are much more open anout their ladies and the blind says “Coop, who still manages to bed all the good-looking gals he can find (despite claiming the opposite)”
        So it has to be someone who claims innocent or have a clean cut image…or something of the sort. Right?
        John is a man* who will sleep with any woman or man…
        Jamie …well he talks about the honeys and has dated good looking women… Any other guess?

      • hoyden

        Plus, wasn’t it Jamie Fox who made a stink about any women he’s with having to clean her vajajay before she gets within ten feet of him. Or am I thinking of someone else?

      • boyishglamorpuss

        Terrence Howard. He will only consider hittin it if a woman uses babywipes. Cause thats classy ladies roll.

      • Megley

        That was Terrance Howard.

    • cincinnatikate

      see now I thought Kanye.

  • Me so honayy

    Exactly how do we know that someone did not just * in a bag and left it there??? Any evidence if it was actually used for sex??

    Oh btw. LLLLLOONNNG time lurker, first time poster. (since August)

  • Junior Mint

    John Mayer…pretty much all the other Super Duper Cooper ones narrowed it to him. Ok, I know I’m thinking too much about this, but here’s what I’m wondering: did he get Aniston into the poop stuff too? I’m guessing no, but yes for Jessica Simpson (that girl will go along with anything the guy wants)

  • Sean

    Maybe it was just an accident during anal sex. With drugs and booze, I imagine such things could occur.

  • Lingo

    Why??? Please do not answer, I don’t really want to contemplate this nastiness any further.

  • MissyL

    Mario Lopez

  • Shannon77

    Wow…that model looks like he’s fixing to take a dump. He looks like Ryan Phillipe too.

  • aiak

    Yet another John Mayer blind. He’s something else.

  • Shannon77

    I didn’t know he had such a nice bod.

  • Cecilia

    Eminem!!! I think this is a rapper asd Vanilla Ice refference..mmmmmm Hope not cause this is gross

  • jenb

    jamie or john. I was just having my lunch and when they said we needed to put my lunch aside i did, but i almost puke.ewwwwww

  • eyeroll

    This is making me look at Rachel Ray in a whole new way. *Shudder*.

  • ladymarmalade

    Totally John Mayer. Did his check bounce or something? ;-)

    Previous AIA’s for Super Duper Cooper:

    Kiefer Sutherland, Chris Rock, Nick Lachey, Tommy Lee, Matthew McConaughey, Christian Bale, Derek Jeter, Ryan Gosling, R. Kelly, Pete Wentz, Chace Crawford, Tom Brady, Chris Evans, Orlando Bloom, Tony Romo, Derek Jeter, Matthew McConaughey

    For some reason I picture Chris Rock saying, “How the hell did I get thrown in there?!?!?”

  • ladymarmalade

    AAAAHHH!!! I’m in moderation, but this is John Mayer all the way.

  • Guesswhat

    It’s John Mayer.

  • mymy's mama

    my most favorite thing is “we are as full as you bowels”….GENIUS…

  • KC from TX

    Tiger Woods

  • tdslf

    Coop is just nasty.

  • “the new black”? is that a clue that it’s an African American guy? I’m on the Jamie Foxx bandwagon …

    • Isa Bunneh

      No it’s a clue for what Mayer said about not sleeping with black women.

      • ShhDontTell

        Apparently only Kerry Washington and Holly (cant remember her last name).

        I dont think it’s jamie foxx because there were blinds alluding to him being gay, and having Stacy Dash be his beard.

      • jenb

        holly peete she defended john until she heard the entire comments john made.

  • Amanda

    Idea – you should buy the website name “Blind Filth” and recycle this as the first item.

    You’re welcome – lols :)

  • ThatOneGuy

    I am so glad that I’m financially challenged and non-famous and will therefore never, ever sleep in any hotel room previously occupied by John Mayer.

    Thank God for little favors.

  • WTFF

    Wait so John Mayer likes sleeping with married TV almost reality stars, poop on them and then look at gay porn?

    • ladymarmalade

      I read it as he is pooping on the semi-reality star while watching gay porn, but otherwise, yes.

    • peaches

      LOL!!!! That is so funny!! thanks. Have a great weekend everybody and thanks for another wonderful week of great responses. You folks make my day.

    • LiberalMediaIsCorrupt

      Sounds like a new Bravo Series: Real Weirdos of LA County

  • Aceticle

    Off topic, because the pic is unrelated, but am I the only one who thinks Justin Timberlake is a butterface? Not cute, no no no.

    I’ll guess Sean Combs.

  • gossip gal

    Coop, who still manages to bed all the good-looking gals he can find (despite claiming the opposite), recently stayed at his fave deluxe Vegas hotel.

    John Mayer has been claiming to sit at home playing games on his new ipad.

  • Booby Jones

    Mayer. Isnt he also the celeb who likes to be urinated on?

    • I KNOW

      I believe the rumor was that he peed and pooped on Jessica Simpson. Not to mention knocking her up, talking her into an abortion and then dumping her. That dude is messed up.

  • Jamie Fox is gay. so not him.

    John Meyer.

  • Yummy

    I would not mind takeing a dump om a few men . I would not stay around for the festivitys … The guy must be a real jerk who ever he is .

  • Hampton

    way back in the days of old Hollywood there was actor Charles Laughton who did the dirty. Even Marlon liked a little kink. Now think outside the box. back in the late 60s-early 70s there was a well known musician who had an sm/leather bar in Hollywood and catered to all the celebs. How many up and coming stars braved mud wrestling at Pig Boy’ manse. Who now is rumored to be into S/M, Toys etc. And too many drugs can cause an accident. Is this a singular or more than 2x occurence. could be anyone.

  • OhNoNo

    i don’t think John Mayer really claims the opposite to sleeping with a lot of women or at least the ones that are famous.

  • Judy Jetson

    This is so revolting… I like to think I’m pretty open minded, but this stuff awakens my inner prude big time. I’m doubting the “accident” theory. Wouldn’t you at least get some toilet paper and attempt some kind of clean up if it were so?

    Anyway, I guess John Mayer. There’s the pee thing [shudders] plus when he was dating Jessica Simpson Lainey posted that one hotel where they stayed in Rome had to THROW OUT a mattress they used. Plus he just seems creepy enough to do it, and arrogant enough to leave it for some poor maid to clean up.

  • Judy Jetson

    PS I don’t think Sean Coombs. He looks the type to make a woman go and shower three times before he’d even kiss her.

  • Girliegirl0101

    John Mayer for the win!

  • Anaisnun

    Mayer’s 3 months must be up?

  • Goddess711

    Gerard Butler?

  • Jizzle

    I have no clue…but EEEWWW!

  • angry blonde

    Since John Mayer came on itunes shuffle while I was reading this, I will guess him too. He comes across as a little off in the head to me. I don’t know if he really wants attention or if he is bi-polar. It’s hard to figure out.

  • stinkweed

    How would they have identified seminal fluid on the poop?

    I hope someone saved a sample for DNA testing.

  • Roberta

    Am I the only one thinking this could be Ashton Kutcher? He is pretty hot, gets laid with random chicks and – being married – probably he tries to hide the cheating more than someone single like John Mayer. What do you think, people?

  • 4six2

    I like the Mayer guess… but what do you all think about Ashton Kutcher?? He’s a huge tweet geek, denies bedding the chicks he’s been bedding, and that last line, “…can’t accomodate you mr. cooper…” sounds like “can’t accomodate you mr. Kutcher”. Oh, and my Vegas money is on the fact that this one will NEVER be revealed!!

  • goldfish swirling

    It was just Glen Beck playing with his poop again.

  • LiberalMediaIsCorrupt

    All the rock and rollers (The Stones, The Beatle, the WHO, Led Zepplin, etc) combined didn’t do anything this weird.

    • suedechik79

      uhhhh. i dont know about that. poop might never have been involved, but poops not the only weird thing you can get into.

    • I KNOW

      I guess you never heard the story about Motley Crue, a random groupie, a ceiling fan and a bottle of soda. Ummm, let’s just say the mess that maid had to clean up was bigger.

      *shudders*

      • saucykitty

        Wasn’t there also an old story about. . . was it Led Zepp and a fish? Something about a groupie and a fish?

      • Katie

        Inquiring minds want to know, what happened?? I never heard that story and couldn’t come up with anything on Google.

  • Julie

    Anyone bother to google if any of these guys were in Vegas in the last few weeks. That young stud from True Blood was there over Halloween.
    No one mentioned him yet.

  • saucykitty

    Question: Does whomever this is make his conquests sign some kind of contract? How come this hasn’t been splashed, so to speak, all over the tabloids?

    • stinkweed

      There was a blind a while back that said something about him taking pictures of the his partners covered in… well, you know.

      One slip to the tabloids, their photo would be leaked (snicker) as well. They’d have as much to loose (if not more) than him.

      Everyone knows John Mayer is a freak. But a picture of Jennifer Aniston covered in scat? Priceless!

      • saucykitty

        Damn. Effective hush-hush there. Maybe I need to consider that as a method of future blackmail. . .

        And yes, priceless. I’d max out a credit card to see that.

  • Ginger

    I’m wondering about the clue “tweet us an answer pronto, por favor.” Could he be hispanic, who tweets? I can’t think of anyone…

  • Ginger

    great guess-I just googled “Wilmer” and “Vegas” and looks like in May and June he was at the TAO/Venetian with Tara Reid (I’m sure she would willingly participate in any creepiness with anybody anytime, hands down).

  • suedechik79

    probably a coincidence, but if you search for Super Duper Cooper on eonline, the first link that comes up is “bitch back: everyone hates john mayer”

  • cndngrl

    I did some more googling and Wilmer is an investor in one of Luxor’s restaurants. “deluxe” = Luxor?

  • cndngrl

    Ok, one more guess.. maybe Ray J.

    “we already knew you were into sex-with-poop”… he made the sex tape with Kim K who allegedly is into anal.

  • Dollface

    Leo DiCaprio

  • cooper263

    Roberta, I dont think its Kutcher. I cant see Demi getting into Poop and I am pretty sure one of his disgruntled ex’s would have spilled the beans to the tabloids about this.

  • MelK

    John Mayer. There’ve been too many stories about his poopy inclinations…

  • Kjs75

    How about the Butterscotch Stallion?

    • Caz1310

      Who’s this? Never heard that nickname before..

      • kjs75

        Owen Wilson. He’s had that nickname for awhile. I think it started at Defamer. He sprung to mind cuz of the ‘vanilla’ and also cuz it’s known that his thing is tossing the salad. :) I don’t think he totally fits, tho. He doesn’t tweet (I don’t think..), and I don’t know if he’s known to frequent Vegas…or even if he’s considered pretty hot. :)

  • Jennifer

    John Mayer deleted his Twitter account awhile ago..so it can’t be him

    • stinkweed

      I think that might have been more of an indication that it’s someone who is known to be a big tweeter, which John is. John, Ashton or Kanye have my vote!

  • StepHo

    John Mayer, only because it would have to be someone who already is decadent to the point of being a sexual deviate and if he’s bedded half the women he alludes he has then the stakes would have to keep going up in order for him to get off. Either that or Jessica Simpson farting in bed was the beginning of the end! He probably likes to sniff armpits too! Ewwwwwww. What a scumsucking bottomfeeder.

  • CurlEgirl

    just..ew!

    John M or Kanye

  • Zoey

    Antonio Banderas? He’s Latin but nah, doesn’t tweet I don’t think.

  • Vegasfun

    It might be Michael Phelps. The hotel is a Palms suite

  • curly girly

    Lil Wayne…It was recently reportedly that he was banned from the Wynn. They did not comment on why.