Pepper Has a Pants Problem

EOnline – You didn’t think Tiger Woods was the only “nice guy” athlete playing way dirty behind the scenes, did ya?

Meet Pepper Harthman, an all-American ball player, praised for his charitable work and family-man demeanor. At least that’s the public’s opinion of this idolized star and, clearly, appearances aren’t always what they seem if you’ve wound up in our Blind Vice section.

But, poor Pepper just doesn’t know how to curb his naughty desires:

Good-lookin’ Pep, like most famous athletes, just can’t keep it in his über tight pants. So what else is new, right?

Well, the fact that he’s got a doting family, as well as an apple-pie image, doesn’t exactly helps things here. Also problematic to Pepper’s PR image would be his myriad cheating hook-ups while he’s on the road and one of those chicks who’s now blabbing about it!

How unfortunate it is when a girl who you’ve been sticking it to—and who has messages to prove such—is threatening to go to the media with these electronic boobie-traps? Uh, then Mr. Harthman, it’s time to get out your checkbook.

Which is exactly what we’re hearing Pepper and his handlers may be scrambling to do.

Harthman’s teammates (owners included) know about his extracurricular activities and are way worried what will happen when this all gets exposed, because, trust us, it is.

“It’s only a matter of time before it all comes out,” says our super worried sports source on the inside.

P.H.’s team is one of the best of the best, thanks to Harthman’s skills, and they all know how quickly that will go away if their star’s good-guy demeanor is shattered. His head will never be in the game, and considering he is one of the most valuable players, you can kiss those championship rings goodbye.

Woods is the prime example! We’re approaching a year since Tiger’s escapades were exposed, and the onetime all-star has hardly recovered.

So can money really fix Pepper’s probs? Clock’s a tickin’, and we’re dying to find out.

And it Ain’t: Kobe Bryant, Matt Hasselbeck, Roger Clemens

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126 comments to Pepper Has a Pants Problem

  • LisaJoanie

    Brett Favre… Go Pack Go!!

    • lizzy1shoe

      Can we call this one solved?? It’s all over the web today. Deadspin has the story. You can read the story but the video is NSFW.

    • Jalisa

      BG go ahead and mark this one as solved. I looked on Ted sight and he didn’t not him at all.
      Also this Brett Farve and his sexting scandal has been all over the News and the NFL said they were investigating him.

      • Nameless

        Actually, he did, on Oct 8th.

        Dear Ted:
        I don’t need a response, but just wanted to pass along a link in case you had not seen it yet…Brett Favre may or may not be Pepper Harthman, but it looks like trouble is headed his way. Have a great week!

        Dear Brett Be Gone:
        Favre may be feeling the tabloid heat, but that’s exactly why he’s not Pepp. You all are going with the obvious guesses. I’m telling you: There’s no dirt on P.H. out there—yet, at least. The guy is one sext away from Tiger Woods status, if you ask me.

  • Mimi

    Peyton Manning.

  • NikitaC

    Wellll, my first time commenting and I may be completely wrong, but I’ll go with Tom Brady???

    • Megley

      Brady?? Really?? The messy sitch that was dumping-the-pregnant-girl constitutes an apple pie image??
      Manning. Either one, doesn’t make much difference . . .

      • ams511

        ha god people…his first baby mama said HERSELF that they didn’t know she was preggo when they broke up.

        i’m not a fan of his, but i don’t think he dumped that girl.

  • Kayla

    Drew Brees!

  • Donna

    Have to go with Peyton Manning on this one.

  • Aquaboogy

    It’s Brett Favre.

  • Mary

    I am guessing that this is about a football player, which is what everyone has guessed already. I think Roger Clemens was thrown in the “not” category just to make it seem like this could be about a bseball player, but I doubt that it is. There are no really famous baseball players that I can think of who have squeaky-clean family man images.

  • Lozza

    I’d say Tom Brady just because I think he seems like a major douche. But, his rep’s not perfect since he left Bridget when she was pregnant. So, I’ll say Manning.

  • goldiebell

    Tom Brady FTW!

  • wpolochick

    So obvious it’s Peyton it’s not even funny. He is an idol in the football world, almost untouchable for his excellence, good nature, and family man demeanor. The “MVP” part is also a huge clue. Brett Favre’s image has been tainted by the retirement fiascos, and Drew Bresse is not yet famous enough for this to be earth shattering. Peyton even looks like Hassleback. :( soo sad, et tu Peyton???

  • allicat

    Did some wikipedia’ing (sports dummy here); both Manning and Brees could easily fit this. Married, kids, charity, blah blah…

    Apparently, there have been divorce rumors around PM:

    But really, don’t ya think pretty much all pro-athletes do this kind of sh*t?

  • Luscious

    I echo Peyton Manning answer.

  • FzFz

    It uses the terms all-American and apple pie, makes me think of that phrase “as American as baseball and apple pie” or whatever it is. I can’t think of any baseball players that are that famous and have doting families though

  • Inga

    “Clock’s a tickin” makes me think of the Timex slogan “Takes a lickin, keeps on tickin”. Timex and Giants have an exclusive partnership, and Amani Toomer is on the Timex web site. He’s a Superbowl champ and has a charity, has two kids and is engaged…

  • hopeznyc

    what does one ring mean? only married once? or does not switch teams?

    • ffleur

      Championship Ring. When they win a superbowl they get a huge, gaudy knuckle-buster ring. So only 1 ring means he/his team won one superbowl.

    • jenb

      eli i dont think so maybe it is someone in the game for a long time, eli only has beeen in the nfl a few years..

  • imED

    Albert Pujols. He does a ton of work with charities, including work for Down syndrome. His wife’s first child was born with DS. According, to his wiki page he is a devout christian. Just a guess.

    • youbetterbekickinit

      No way. Although some clues fit, the big one that doesn’t is the description of “All American”. Plus, I feel the blind is hinting that the althete already has more than one championship ring, which would count him out as well.

  • Mimi

    I think Ted is saying that if PH’s cheating is made public, he can kiss future championship rings (plural) good-bye. It does not say that he currently has championship rings. In any event, any current ring(s) will exist and not be ‘kissed away’ even if his cheating comes to light, so Ted must be talking about future rings.

    • youbetterbekickinit

      You make a valid point Mimi. You can’t kiss away unearned rings. I’m going to go with Peyton, simply because of the many cheating rumors already out there. Although I equally like the Tom Brady guess, and I think most would say he’s better looking than Manning.

  • Belle

    It says “family man” which makes me think he has kids so I don’t think it’s Peyton (or Eli) because he doesn’t have any children. “Good Looking” doesn’t make me think of Peyton either…I don’t think he’s super gorgeous. Plus, he only has one ring.

    • jenb

      yea peyton, eli, and favre wouldnt be consider good loking in ted’s eyes, tom brady seems more the good looking type

  • Hazel

    I’m going with Farvre. Didn’t a chick already call him out for sending nude pics? He would be more of a shocker than Manning. His wife had breast cancer, so that makes it even worse. And I agree, the rings could definitely mean future rings.

    • FzFz

      Yeah and the best part is he never even met her. If he’s sending d*** pictures to some chick he doesn’t know, I can’t imagine what he’s sending/saying to women he’s actually sleeping with.

  • intheknow

    Derek Jeter. This isn’t really a blind.

    • Mark

      Jeter isn’t married!

      • jenb

        jeter is a very smart man hasn’t tied the knot even though, he probably gave the gift that keeps on giving to jessica alba.

      • Booby Jones

        I know someone who hooked up with him once at a club. If you saw what this girl was like, you would not be calling him smart.

        He just wants to sleep around like every other guy. But if A-Rod dates a someone famous he’s just looking for attention. If it weren’t for Paul O’Neil Jeter would only have one ring.

      • 5553

        Good thing Paul O’Neill was on the Yankees last year.

  • Bingo

    How I would love it to be Jeter…but he isn’t married. He does, however, have that “perfect” image which is a bunch of baloney in my opinion….that said, I am going with Tom Brady…….

  • Bingo

    One thing is for sure….we know it isn’t ARod!!!! :)

  • Maybe

    Just tossing this out there:

    Jeff Gordon

    • Steel

      Brooke took him to the cleaners after he cheated on her . . . so it’s not him. Too many past indiscretions. And to the person who guessed Albert Pujols . . . nooooooooooooooo! He’s wonderful. I could never see him cheating on his wife and disgracing his family.

    • Repeat Offender

      nononononononono NO!!!

  • Sleuth

    I have no idea who Matt Hasselbeck is…so I’m going to put a vote in for Tim Hasselbeck!

  • the king

    It’s Albert Pujols.

  • justguessing

    It’s Peyton, and that makes me sad!

  • KellyinNY

    Andy Pettite of the NY Yankees. Oh hell, I’ll guess Favre or P. Manning too.

  • Robin

    Roger Clemens? He’s retired! What a strange “it’s not”!

  • TerriB

    Pepper Harthman…. Peyton Manning. The rumors have been there for quite awhile.

  • retailprohet

    Derek Jeter. It doesn’t say he has kids. It says he has a family man demeanor. “apple pie” image- baseball. His parents are at many of his games. And there are enough rumors of his dalliances being more outrageous than Tigers.

  • retailprohet

    more proof. Championship Rings- DJ. Doesn’t say he’s married. DJ. Clocks a tickin. DJ. MVP- DJ. and Pepper is a baseball term.

  • pegasian

    Clue Thoughts:

    “pepper” is a pitching term (put some pepper on the ball) and “uber tight pants” would be worn in baseball. you need room for padding in football. I think we are looking for a baseball player that is a pitcher.

    • pegasian

      Oh and “uber”…maybe he is has a german name?

      • pegasian

        interesting…. the ro8ute for jeter means “to throw” …connection to “pepper?” …it is a type of throw/pitch

      • pegasian

        “uber” is stressed TOO MUCH!! It is a pitcher with a german last name. Oh and a pitching mound could be considered a Harth/Hearth (The pavement or floor of brick, stone, or metal in a chimney, on which a fire is made)…poetically this could be the pitching mound…THINK in terms of WHEN CASEY CAME TO BAT.

      • Booby Jones

        You’re reading way too much into this dude.

  • mommy21

    Tom Brady does not have an apple pie image. Even if he wasn’t to blame for it, his image took a beating when he broke up with Bridget, she later turned up pregnant, and he hooked up with GB too quickly after.


    Couldn’t be Jeter because these sort of rumors only hurt married men (see Tiger, A-Rod, etc.). Men who are seen as serial-dating bachelors (Namath in his heyday, Jeter now) can’t be trashed as cheaters because you’re not seen as a louse if you’re not married.

  • sneezy

    I guess Bryant is a family man now – but his reputation certainly isn’t great. Too easy to say Rothlisberger? He’s no all-American boy either – and that’s something in common with all three.

  • pcanpie

    Chase Utley… family man.. charity work… hoping for another championship…. phillies phan phavorite….PH???

    • pcanpie

      or phillies pitcher cole hamel… recently turned down endorsement for watch company… will only do spots for charity… married with at least one kid…

  • Dollface

    Maybe it is Favre. The ‘pants problem’ could reference his spoof about the ‘song’ Pants on the Ground. Tight pants actually would refer more to football than baseball. BUT saying ‘when he’s on the road’ makes me think basketball first, then baseball. Football is such a short season rarely are they ‘on the road’ for a long time. Ugh I love sports so this will bother me lol

  • Molly

    Pants on the ground…. Favre

  • Jillian

    i feel like it isn’t favre– i’m from near green bay and at least back in the day he had quite a rep for not being a family man. i think he’s just gotten old now. =) plus it would *have* to mention his drama queen antics with the retiring, unretiring, repeat 12 times…

  • Booby Jones

    I say Tom Brady. It says championship rings, as in more than one and Brady has 3, Favre 1.

    It’s not Payton though. It says the person in question is good looking. If Payton Manning was paid based on his looks he would be on the practice squad.

  • BethJ

    You know, I initially thought this was Brett Favre, since his hair is salt and pepper colored. However, one of the things about Ted C. is that his BV names almost always (if not always) have the same number of syllables as their main character. Thus, Brett Favre is only two syllables and PH is four. Plus, Ted speaks of owners and football teams usually have one owner each. As good as Brett is, neither the Jets nor the Packers nor the Vikings have really ever been able to claim “best of the best”. Kobe has led his team, the Lakers, to multiple championships. I’m presuming that Roger Clemens did as a pitcher, in his prime. I wonder, though, if there’s an HGH link since Clemens is included in the AIA. Just a thought…

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know how the syllable thing has become “common knowledge”, since it’s manifestly not true. About half of Ted’s revealed BVs don’t have matching syllables. Yeah, Fart-Coif Cretin and Andy Dick match so well, don’t they? The ones that are easily figured out don’t tend to match either. Strippa Rip-Ya is Jennifer Lopez. No match. Nevis Divine is Robert Pattison. No match. And, of course, we all know who Toothy is. “Tile” has one syllable according to most dictionaries. Toothy’s civilian last name has three.

      Stop promoting this “fact”, please.

      • BethJ

        My sincere apologies, Anonymous, for the misinformation. I truly thought it was true. Thanks for setting the record straight, as it were.

  • Archiesmama

    My first thought was Peyton Manning…I would really hate for it to be Brett but sadly, I wouldn’t be surprised.

  • Barbara

    what about Andy Pettite?

  • jenb

    I hate ted c blind items, they are too long and boring, I know he is trying to be creative but sometimes he needs to just get to the point before the reader/poster fall asleep.

  • huckle

    Another vote for Peyton Manning, for all the reasons stated above, plus the fact that Ted has given the subject the name “Pepper Harthman”.

    Peyton Manning was born with a cleft palate and speaks with a slight lisp.


    First time poster, long time reader.

  • dallasJAC

    I agree with the Peyton Manning guess… I think the “family man” demeanor references his closeness with his two brothers — Eli & the one in New Orleans who doesn’t play—as well as with his parents. Any interview with Peyton always goes along the lines of his relationship with his family.
    Peyton was an All American player at Tennessee and plays for the Indianapolis Colts — in middle America.
    He is deemed as an All American by Madison Avenue as he is spokesman for all kinds of products from mobile phones to deodorant to cookies… you name it, he hawks it.

  • Missy Aggravation

    As much as I’d love to see him publicly humiliated. . . The thing about Brett Favre is that he’s not the linchpin of the Vikings. The Viks look awesome all around, thanks in part to their scary-awesome running game. You could put my 5’2, Norwegian grandmother in as first string QB, and they’d still win more often than not. Probably get a comparable number of passing yardage, too. (Burn!)

    That and with all of his retirement drama, he probably has another year left in him, tops. His constant indecisiveness is bad for team morale – not the type of athlete to carry a championship on, let alone multiple championships for years to come.

    It’s got to be someone younger, with plenty of years for “championship ringS”, and on a legendary (read:rich as filth) team. Yankees? Lakers? Cowboys?

    That being said, I have no idea – but GO PACK GO!

    • Missy Aggravation

      Whoops! Forgot to mention that Favre was also a notorious pillhead back in the day – not exactly a “wholesome, apple pie” image.

      • Booby Jones

        He became addicted to prescriptions after surgery, so it’s not like he was doing lines of coke. He has pretty much been forgiven because anything he does wrong everyone always finds an excuse for.

      • Missy Aggravation

        I realize that – I grew up in Wisco during that “scandal”.
        I’m just making the point that Ted probably would have hinted at a “whoopsie” in the athlete’s personal life instead of painting him as an all-around American hero.

  • CandyCastle

    Another Peyton Manning vote. No one is as apple pie as peyton. I used to live in Indy, and Peyton does a lot of charity work. He even has a Childrens Hospital named after him at St Vincents. And after meeting him several times consider him to be much better looking in person..he’s considered a total family man, yet I definitely sensed a twinkle in his eye.
    The earlier comment about the lisp is an excellent explanation of the name pepper harthman.

  • Belle

    Also, two of the three “And it Aints” are people who aren’t super clean. Clemens-Steroids/HGH and Kobe had the rape accusation a few years ago (i know nothing about Matt)…so maybe it’s not someone who is perfect but has had a few slip ups…

  • Anon524

    Peyton totally fits the bill. I am from Indianapolis…and let’s just say that Peyton’s many trysts are a known fact in Indy. He has a fetish for recieving oral in public restrooms (w/ his body guard blocking the door). He has his own apartment in the city while his wife lives out on their large property outside of the city. She has threatened divorce many times…obviously there is some sort of agreement going on there.

    • jenb

      peyton manning good looking really, but everyone knows the deal with him, the leagues nfl makes him seem like a god same as with tom brady. While i like him as a player, peyton is probably gay and that can’t come out……….Just like in the nba they have gay players and beards so they have to hide it.

  • boblee

    While Favre’s exploits as a rookie are legendary in Atlanta (former GM/coach Jerry Glanville recently stated on record he was traded because they couldn’t keep him sober or in at night,) the blind doesn’t really fit him. Favre has maybe one good year left, so no future rings, and Vikings management begged him to come back this year, so no real nervous ownership likely. This does fit Peyton Manning, though, dead on. Indy is built entirely around him, and the Manning family is football royalty. The only thing left to confirm this as the former Tennessee QB is the involvement of a sheep.

  • Tiffany

    This is Peyton Manning. He and Ashley have an open marriage. They’ll probably divorce when he retires.

    Peyton has an outside child whom Archie “The Ultimate Stage Dad” paid off the mother to keep quiet. They also had to pay Ashley to stay cause she was about to exit stage left for good.

    If Manning’s ‘infidelity” is exposed, then it’s over for him…

    BTW- I wonder why it’s okay for African-American athletes to have multiple children by different women, but when a White athlete does it, then they are scrutinized and condemned- Brian Urlacher, Matt Leinart, Tom Brady…

    • jenb

      Tiffany because they keep them on a higher pedestal, and we know those guys has dirt tOo. PEYTON WOULDN’T SURPRISE ME..

  • weighingin

    Hi BG first time poster! I have to guess Cole Hamels (with an S) also. PH = PHiladelphia PHillies. World series MVP. Pitcher, pepper as said above is pitching term (and black like coal). Cole/coal found on the hearth/harth, man. Also found he did turn down deal for watch company (times ticking)& showed his bum on 10 o’clock new so may relate to pants problem. Reportedly him & his wife are adopting kids from another country (family man). Baseball players are often on the road & wear tight pants.

    • Welcome, Weigh! And a thoughtful analysis for a first time poster! Love, BG

      • weighingin

        Thanks BG! also ps on my guess World Series Champions get rings too! I can’t believe not many agree all these clues are a match to me. Its soo someone from baseball, its as american as apple pie!

  • SayWhat

    I wonder why it’s okay for folks to sooooo readily introduce the “african-american slant” to everything (e.g. sports, politics, entertainment industry); last time I checked, it ain’t been much scrutinizing to the f-ball guys mentioned above. Quite the opposite actually! HBO’s Real Sports show does a feature on this “african-american” football player that has at least 8 kids by multiple women, AND, they literally ask him if he can name them and their ages. Now, that’s scrutinization!!!

    BTW – If I stick to the topic at hand, MY guess would be Peyton Manning.

  • Pete

    Tiffany is right about Peyton having an open marriage. Actually, Peyton’s wife family is so wealthy, they made sure a pre-nup was signed.

    • jenb

      yea and the gay rumors too, but the league will cover that up………but eventually it will come out.

  • Kimmer

    Definitely Tom Brady!!! No Doubt!!!
    “Uber-tight pants” Definitely a reference to Gisselle and his clothing style. He looks less like a football player and more like a model/movie star.

  • Carmen

    This blind has to be a quarterback with the references to scrambling, MVP and championship rings. The only three quarterbacks still playing who’ve won MVP are Brett Favre, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady. Brady is definitely the best-looking, but his image is already tarnished by his departure from pregnant Bridget Moynihan. Favre has bounced around from team to team lately and probably isn’t that essential anympre. It totally fits Peyton Manning, except from the reference to him being good-looking. Manning is a weird-looking guy, with a face that looks like it’s put together from spare parts. Still, the blind fits him otherwise and his infidelity wouldn’t go over well in conservative Indiana.

  • VolCat

    Not sure I’m doing this right but … here goes.

    Looks like the Brett Favre guesses may have been on the mark.

  • Bambi

    Solved? And the answer is Brett Favre…