EOnline – Get ready for a gay, anonymous-sex hookup gone wrong—hunky movie-star style! Now, our latest Blind Vice entrant, Topher Hairy-Tuchus, has made an appearance before in the Awful Truth, but only as a supporting player—this totally handsome stud was never christened with his own moniker. Until now, anyway! And since Toph’s made it into our sexyass annals, seems like he’s dutifully checking off every other last step required for getting (and staying) on the Vice A-list. Lauded movies, check. Hot bod, check. Famous female companions, check. Totally closeted homo, check and then some!
‘K, so a doable dude who secretly prefers the company of men is as common in H’wood as a paparazzi fender bender outside the Ivy. But it’s where and how THT seeks his men that’s quite noteworthy and somewhat unusual, considering how unglamorous it truly is…
Topher could nab any leading lady he wants (and he has), but when it comes to his men moods, THT goes to Craigslist. Maybe you shouldn’t go looking for lovers the same place you get cheapo couches and scalped concert tickets, but no one told Toph that. And hey, his Internet dabbling worked, since somebody replied to his ad looking for a good, quickie time. No names needed, just body parts, and meaty ones at that.
Hook, line and sink ‘im: Once Topher had lured his catch to the house, he went far out of his way to keep this nooky expedition under wraps—he even set up a sheet with a hole in it where all the action would take place, keeping identities secret on either side. A “glory hole” one would call it, of course, except this particular hole was cut out of fine linen (what a waste!) as opposed to etched into a dingy bathroom stall wall. Guess that makes it so much more romantic, no?
THT was ready for some clandestine action, but when Topher’s gentleman showed up, the lured dude didn’t want to keep it nearly as anonymous as Hairy-T. The guy refused to partake unless he could see THT’s face—to check for sores (and let’s be honest, to make sure he would be doing a hot guy). THT refused to budge on this bang request, but the guy swung the sheet back anyway to find one of the most wanted celebs staring back at him!
‘Course, they both went through with the unsheeted deed, even after the unveiling of Topher’s famous face. What horny man in the world wouldn’t? What I want to know is why the ef doesn’t THT use nondisclosure forms instead of stupid 300-count sheets? What a moron!
And It Ain’t:
Daniel Radcliffe, Robert Pattinson, Chris Pine
Adrien Grenier
Who writes these? they are always so annoying to follow. I’ll go with Chace Crawford?
oooh or maybe the “300 count sheets” is a clue and the “The Awful Truth” (play on the ugly truth), so Gerard Butler?
The Awful Truth is the name of the gossip blog at EOnline…But I’m kind of thinking Gerard Butler, too.
Good guess. 300-count is by no means fine linens, must be a clue.
Gerard Butler was in “300″.
I like the Chace Crawford guess…
chace. the pic even looks like him.
The pic is one of the And It’s Not – Chris Pine. Unless its a BG blind, the pictures aren’t really related.
but chace hasn’t done any movies, right? what about zac efron? “lauded” could mean “high school musical.” and the leading lady reference could mean vanessa hudgens. she was the lead in that series, yes?
I agree, Doogy Howzer. There is a picture (on another site) of Adrian Grenier at the beach showing his very hairy hieney! (sp?). Although, I’d say Grenier is more of a tv star?
I’m just glad it wasn’t RPattz.
Zachary Quinto?
I second that!
Not sure who it is but if going by the AIA’s, it’s probably a young male actor who is part of a big movie franchise. Possibly Tobey McGuire or Ryan Reynolds?
It’s not Zac Efron, he is the BV from last week, Jackie Bouffant.
It’s either Gerard Butler, the 300 reference, or Shia LaBouf, who is in the Transformers franchise and in his 20ties.
Gerald Butler was my first thought too.
My guess – Bradley Cooper; the clue being “fender bender outside the Ivy”. His current squeeze is Renee Zellweger, who was just in a minor car accident, right?
Through a sheet with a hole cut in it? Sounds like a ghost Halloween costume gone wrong.
I’ll go with Cooper.
GERARD..it has to be…omg
Gerald…he did the movie 300
I think the 300 clue is a red herring. The AIAs are the real clue here. They’re all stars of fantasy and SF movie franchises. Butler isn’t part of a franchise. However, this clue and all of the others above perfectly fit Shia LeBeouf. Big SF/fantasy franchise? Transformers. He’s had lauded movies in the past. He’s been seen hanging with hot actresses. And, if rumors are true, he’s stupid enough to use Craigslist to set up anonymous sexual encounters. It’s Shia, no doubt.
His fangirls will hunt you down for suggesting their god might be gay.
Watch out!
young actor in a blockbuster summer movie franchise, hasidic jewish custom of using a sheet, car accident, etc… Shia! Transformers, Jewish, accident, leading ladies, etc. Makes sense I say… Shia all the way.
Hi Mel – LOL. That’s just a silly urban legend. Love, BG
http://www.snopes.com/religion/sheet.asp
Totally agree!! Shia all the way…he also was in the movie HOLES.
THIS one made me LOL! What a farce!…I remember reading something similar a few years ago, only the gent who arrived at Closet Castle was required to wear a blindfold, LOL! (I’d be running for the hills, but I guess men are different and not afraid.)…I’m ignorant of how these things work, but would an anonymous one-night stand actually have to sign a non-disclosure form before lowering his trousers???
“I’m ignorant of how these things work, but would an anonymous one-night stand actually have to sign a non-disclosure form before lowering his trousers???”
I read that all the time in blind items and hear it’s how mega-athletes operate, but suppose someone who had a ONS with a star blabbed anyway. Even if the star sues, not only will his fans know that he sleeps around but that he made his hookups sign contracts to try to hide what he was doing.
Ted tweeted this clue:
Bonus Vice clue: Topher Hairy-Tuchus is devilishly handsome as his toothy grin
Ok…*deep* breath..
Topher, short for Christopher – Gerry (which he often goes by) short for Gerard.
Hairy-Tuchus – BUTler (he has yet to return my call as to whether it’s hairy).
The leading lady clue – Aniston’s desperado PR campaign.
Daniel Radcliffe, Robert Pattinson – British and British (dunno about the Chris Pine link)
Awful/Ugly Truth – an awful ugly movie btw.
The ’300′ thing.
‘Most wanted celeb’ – he’s everywhere right now.
‘Fender bender’ – didn’t he have an altercation with a pap who nearly drove him off the road relatively recently?
Ok maybe I’m reaching a little now. But Gerry was very honest about his bisexuality in the distant past (particulary in an interview with Attitude magazine.. can’t find the link sorry, plus I’m meant to be working and my boss is eyeing me suspiciously) yet now he’s a star it’s, strangely enough, been hushed up.
He may be a big ol’arrogant boob’n'bum-loving slut but I can’t help loving the guy (better that than some bland PR-trained plank of wank), have done ever since Dracula 2000…. *cough* I’ll get my coat :-/
Thanks for the extra clue, ThatOneGuy.
That makes me think Bradly Cooper, but the AIA make me think Shia. Hmmm….
My guess, which after thinking more is not supported but I want to guess anyway is James Mardsen. Just because this post made me think it was him in some way. Can’t explain why though.
JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT