Dear Mr. RollUp,
We are in receipt of the delightful Cease and Desist order sent to us by your attorney. What a thoughtful gesture it was for you to notify us of your burgeoning importance and fame!
We’re genuinely sorry that we did not even know who you were before receipt of your lovely letter. It simply defies logic! We’ve now looked you up and know who you are. We can’t believe that there exists an actor in the universe who possesses such enormous talent – along with such a staggering ego and massive paranoia- as to think that we might defame them. Truth is, we’ve never written a blind gossip item about you before… but we will now!
Let’s start with this one: Which handsome actor from a summer television series with dismal ratings should roll up his copy of the C&D and thrust it up his posterior? Actually, from what we’ve heard about his extra-curricular activities, there’s probably enough space up there to accommodate several C&Ds.