EOnline – Last time we heard from evil and conniving Shafterella Shoshstein, that b* was checking out on her man, who was so famously checking out on her. Only nobody knew about the former, crafty thing she is.
Now, S.S. has moved on more openly—and how. Ms. S-squared has all the tabloid world thinking she’s just dreamy and perfectly content with her new man, only nothing could be further from the truth.
What is the real deal with Shafterella, you ask? Well, not only does it not always involve the classiest kinds of guys (think real Crawley McNugget material here), but wouldn’t you know it, S.S. also likes to have over supercurvy and very…
…femme babes to her Beverly Hills pad whenever she can.
You know, for tennis and myriad other athletic activities that involve sweaty thighs and skirts as short as possible. All the while, the lemming-like readers so faithful to a*-kissing People and similar rags, think Shafterella’s all happy-butt with her dreamy man.
Like I said: That’s hardly accurate, as S.S.’s man is much more content shacking up with his dude, anybody confused yet?
Oh, don’t you know, it’s just another day and story in the annals of fake-romance Hollywood, where publicists and agents (seriously, no joke) are still putting together these ersatz romances like it’s the damn ’50s. All so their clients can supposedly make bigger paychecks—and therefore, these 10 percenters do, too.
Everybody wins in the end, right?
Wrong. What about when these faker-jokers have kids? What then? It’s one thing for Shafty and her dumb-crap gay BF to sell themselves out, but what, for instance, happens if Shafty and her partner do get married and have kids, what do you tell them?
Shafty? Superpastel tennis hair band got your tongue?
It Ain’t: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Venus Williams, Demi Moore
I’m thinking Reese and Jake for this, but can they be the answer to every blind?
Hi Mary – No. Only Larry King can be the answer to every BGI, including this one. Love, BG
HAHA Larry King would do this.
Anna Kournikova? Is she still with Enrique?
From what I gathered from this article (which isn’t much), Shafty had a high profile split before she got together with this new dude. Anna’s been with Enrique for years, so probably not them!
the smiths
I thought Will Smith was “Hard Nipple Nick” (serious Ted Casablanca moniker, not just me being inventive)?
I was thinking of Reese and Jake.
Defo Reese and Jake, I thought it was her first time around, and i still do now.
But what i don’t get, why has Ted not mentioned Shafterella Shoshstein’s beard is Toothy Tile. Or has he purposely not told us so it is less obvious who it is.
but reese already has kids. it wouldn’t be a ‘what if’ scenario about kids, it would be a ‘right now’ scenario about what to tell her kids. doesn’t make sense. otherwise i totally would’ve thought reese and jake.
some one pointed this out on e! and i think it might be true… Ted thinks Reese and Ryan having kids is acceptable because it stemmed from a real relationship and not a fauxmance I do understand what you are saying though, but I don’t know if her kids are old enough to figure out her and Jake are not really dating. This is the only thing that keeps me from being completely sure its them
yes. i like it for the tennis reference too, they seem tennis-y.
if this is Reese and Jake, the tennis reference could refer to Jake’s boyfriend Austin Nichols, who was in the movie Wimbeldon. hence the it aint in Venus Williams
Makes me sad to keep hearing these things all the time about them b/c she is so nice and he is so nice and I see them together sooooo much. She lives in my neighborhood ( 2 houses down) and he is over spending the might alllllllllllllll the time when he is town. He takes her kids out all the time. I see him playing with them all the time! His sister is at the house all the time. On top of that they go to great lengths not to be seen together. PLUS SHE DOES NOT LIVE IN BEVERLY HILLS. SHE LIVES IN BRENTWOOD!
Yikes. You scary!
LOL
she has been photo graphed playing softball alot lately…..
This guy is the worst writer in the world. Worser than William McGonagall even…
Ha Ha Ha = “worser”
I agree! I can’t STAND his writing. He thinks that he is sooo hip and clever but his BI’s are harder to figure out than the answer to an SAT question. I like BlindGossip so much better.
totally. slow that wagon down, i’m getting on. < it’s like he writes like that. ick. nast.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who has trouble understanding his BIs. Seriously, it’s like deciphering Sanskrit sometimes.
Lots of people guessed Shania Twain the first time Shaferella was introduced. But is Muut good looking? Boy, Reese’s ex sure took the fall on that one. That would explain all the bearding. The only thing that throws me is that Reese has kids and this seems to imply no kids are involved.
“But what i don’t get, why has Ted not mentioned Shafterella Shoshstein’s beard is Toothy Tile”
Then this wouldn’t be blind item, lol.
Let’s go with Brangelina here. Since no one else said it.
This can’t be Brangelina since Fake A La Ferocity is Angelina Jolie. Supposedly this guy never uses different names for a person. It’s someone else.
And they have a lot of children…so I guess that “what are they going to tell the kids when they have them” makes no sense for Brad and Angie does it?
Kendra and Hank…she’s prego. Why would they say the thing about the kids?
What I get out of this poorly written blind is this woman is a professional beard who is in a new relationship with a gay man but they are not married. I doubt this is Jake and Reese, they never discuss their life and they have been together for a while. No clue yet.
This isn’t the first Shafterella Shoshstein blind it’s a follow up
Kate Hudson?
KZJ?
This was so confusing I can’t guess.
I thought SS sounded familiar, here’s a recap of the previous blind, supposedly it’s the same person? Hmmm
Blind Vice from Ted Casablanca in the Awful Truth Oct 31 -
One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice
Okay, babes, we’re back to you skanky hets this week! I swear, straight folks are getting as kinky as us gays, are we teaching you that well? Apparently so.
Shafterella Shoshstein sure seems to be taking lessons successfully, and has been for some time, who the hell knew? When she busted up with her man not that long ago, everybody was sympathizing with poor S2. How could such a sweet, darling little babe have deserved such treatment from her male-slut partner for all those years? She’s too talented, too charming, too damn dazzling to have to have endured such wretchedness, America cried!
Turns out we were all weeping for the wrong partner, perhaps. S.S.’s ex is just now starting to put the truth out there, via a few tanked encounters with his fave bartender. Damn, sure hope this good-lookin’ lad doesn’t have to become full-blown alcoholic before we find out the full truth of the matter, but jeez, keep on drinkin’ there, buddy-boy!
Oh, and Shafty, shame on you, girlfriend. Cannot believe you penis-partied galore all that time, while letting your less-designing other half take the tabloid fall. Actually, I can. They don’t pay ya the big bucks for nothin’.
And it ain’t: Whitney Houston, Halle Berry, Britney Spears
* Update Nov 14: Ted has eliminated Shoshanna Lonstein, Jennifer Garner, Uma Thurman, Oprah Winfrey, Alanis Morissette, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Hilary Swank
* Top guess: Reese Witherspoon. * Runners up: Tea Leoni, Christie Brinkley
The statement “before we find out the full truth of the matter, but jeez, keep on drinkin’ there, buddy-boy” made me think of Orlando Bloom. Could Shafty be Kate Bosworth?
For some reason I want to say Renee Zellweger
Ted C. is an alcoholic, and he tells the guy to “keep drinking” all the while knowing the guy could become an alcoholic!
You fools! It’s Lynne Cheney!
Serina williams and commen
spell much? not them.
oops heres the correct spelling of their names…Serena and rapper Common..Makes me think of them because of the its not Venus Williams hint and because there have been many rumors of Common being gay. Thats all i got so far
he’s not gay. dated my cousin back in chicago years back. I’m defensive cause he’s a nice guy. end of story.
serena doesnt seem to match the post from october though….i dont think it is her and common because of that
It can’t be Serena Williams because, when someone guessed ‘Oprah Winfrey’ he said “wrong race”. When someone guessed ‘Uma Therman’ he said “not as statuesque”. I do believe he also called SS a ‘WASP’ and said she’s “all smiles” (so not someone like Alanis Morisette who has no trouble getting gloomy). Going on the WASP hint, I’d also be guessing she is a blonde.
This is Reese and Jake. Why doesn’t Ted mention her kids? Maybe because it would be too great of a tell. Maybe because they’re with their father so much. Ted likes to leave room for doubt. I told Ted awhile ago in an email that Reese and Jake would never marry, just drift apart in a year or so. He replied, don’t bet on it.
I think its Zac and Van
BG, this one is really hard but we can always guess right?
For some reason I can only think of Madonna and her Brazilian boyfriend Jesus Luz. I am Brazilian and there’s rumors in Brazil about him being gay. Also when she got divorced the tabloids was on her side. The clues I can see in this BI “sweaty thighs”(Sticky & Sweet Tour),”like it’s the damn ’50s” (Madonna is 50)and about having kids, it doesn’t say SS doesn’t have any, it just say the couple don’t have kids together. I guess the association with Demi Moore is because the lack of age she also have in her relationship with Ashton Kutcher. And to finish, everybody knows that Madonna is the queen of headbands since the 80′s.
I could be wrong but I just got the feeling this is her.
I _LOVE_ your Madonna guess.
I think you are right on. Re-reading “RECAP” above, I think there are other clues in there: America cried! (American celeb? England wouldn’t cry for her.) Husband is referred to as a “lad” which is slang for the Brits.
This is definitely Tea Leoni and David Duchovny.
Who was Tea with before DD?
OMG, ur right, it is Reese and Jake. “super pastel tennis hair band” is a reference to two things, super pastel as in the color pink which is for Legally Blonde which is what she’s most famous for, and the whole tennis thing, she had the tennis movie a couple of years ago.
That was Kirsten Dunst.
This one makes it seem like whoever she is sells her story to mags like people. I never see Reece talking about her and Jake to mags. I don’t think it’s her.
justin and jessica
I like this guess.
where publicists and agents (seriously, no joke) are still putting together these ersatz romances like it’s the damn ’50s———–50′s as in PLEASANTVILLE??????
Still think it’s Reese.
This has to be reese and jake esp w the reference to the last BI that this ‘code name’ was in. Also I like what Pixie Dust picked up on w the Pleasantville ref. maybe he didnt mention kids bc reese and jake dont have any and he has said in the past he does want kids so maybe explain to their OWN kids
Reese and Jake
there’s been secret talks about them getting hitched and how jake wants kids that is what they mean when they say when they decide to have kids….
Agreed! Doesn’t Jake supposedly have a kid with his boyfriend, Austin (can’t remember his last name). His code name is Grey Goose.
BG – what does a bolded Name mean?
Tea Leoni and David Duchovny.
“Shafty? Superpastel tennis hair band got your tongue?”
Remember David was supposed to have had an affair with his tennis instructor?
I think this is Anne Hathaway.
Last time we heard from evil and conniving Shafterella Shoshstein, that b* was checking out on her man, who was so famously checking out on her. Only nobody knew about the former, crafty thing she is. – She left him before he was arrested, he checked out on her and into jail.
Now, S.S. has moved on more openly—and how. Ms. S-squared has all the tabloid world thinking she’s just dreamy and perfectly content with her new man, only nothing could be further from the truth. – She has a new boyfriend in which there are lots of paparazzi photos of them being happy together. He is an actor named Adam Shuman.
What is the real deal with Shafterella, you ask? Well, not only does it not always involve the classiest kinds of guys (think real Crawley McNugget material here), but wouldn’t you know it, S.S. also likes to have over supercurvy and very… Lesbian – My cousin was at Vassar the same time Anne was and she was openly gay then. Her people want to perpetuate a certain image for Anne since her career is taking off and lesbian is not park of it.
The picture looks a like Anne Hathaway who is has had long dark hair throughout most of her career.
You need to research the first mention of S2 in Ted’s column.
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b66521_one_sneaky_dame_blind_vice.html
This blind, and it’s predecessor, are full of references to Ted’s previous columns, particularly a “morning piss” column rant about Reese and Jake that appeared in the same week as the first. http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b65848_Morning_Piss__Gyllenspoon_Fed_Merde.html
I think you are correct. Excellent guess.
Although I suppose Anne Hathaway could very well be gay (and she seemed to be the subject of one of Ted’s BIs a few years ago that claimed just that), but one of my close friends also attended Vassar at the same time as her. They ran in some of the same social circles, went to the same parties, etc. and my friend says she’d never heard that Anne was gay. A pothead, definitely, but not (openly) gay. (I don’t mean to sound *, though. If your cousin swears she was openly gay, maybe she was. I’m just adding what little information I know to the mix).
Anyway, I agree that Jake and Reese seem to be the subject of this BI.
thanks to natters5 I’m convinced it’s Anne.
I love the anne hathaway guess…..I def think it is her. And I get the feeling that S2 new boyfriend isn’t as famous…which would rule out jake
This one isn’t Demi, but there is a BI about her this week. I’d guess this one is Reese.
Can’t be Tea Leoni, Serina Williams, Jessica, Anne Hathaway or Sienna Miller because Shafterella Shoshstein is divorced:
“When she busted up with her man not that long ago, everybody was sympathizing with poor S2. How could such a sweet, darling little babe have deserved such treatment from her male-slut partner for all those years? She’s too talented, too charming, too damn dazzling to have to have endured such wretchedness, America cried!”
I don’t read this as divorced, just that they separated. But this does say that the ex was a “male-slut,” which takes out Anne Hathaway anyway since Raffaello wasn’t unfaithful (from what I understand).
So we need to find someone who:
-Broke up with ex in 2008 (since Oct’s BI says it was recent)
-Ex was unfaithful (takes out Anne)
-She was viewed as the victim
-Ex was good looking (takes out Shania)
-Is currently dating someone and flaunting a happy relationship (takes out Tea)
-Current guy is gay (takes out Sienna)
Darn. Maybe it is Reese after all?
When did Reese and Ryan break up? Don’t think it was recent (as of Oct. ’08). Hasn’t she been with Jake for over a year?
“This one makes it seem like whoever she is sells her story to mags like people. I never see Reece talking about her and Jake to mags. I don’t think it’s her.”
Reese Witherspoon’s PR team is using tabloids to sell the fauxmance and her movies all the time. Without the fauxmance there will be no tabloid material about dull Reese.
Shania Twain is fairly good-looking and Ted is really old, he probably remembers her from a million years ago. And her with Frederic Thiébaud is really weird.
But then again I figure there should be some country references or something in there if it were her…
Does sound Reese and Jake-ish. They beguile really stupid people into thinking they are private and don’t play the tabloids. They don’t need to because they have an army of people feeding the mags and papers stories on them and running photo ops. So they don’t need to say much. Every time they walk down the street, there go the paps. If it’s true it wouldn’t be the first time a BI has come up suggesting female half may like the ladies.
Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen?
Re comments from the original SS2 BI about her and partner’s breakup: This was an interesting comment:
29.aneas Fri, Oct 31, 2008, 7:31 AM
This was written a week ago and not as a blind, either. It’s Reese and Ryan. This bit was on the **** List that Ted wrote a week ago when he criticized Reese for being fake. He basically said she was no better then Angelina, who at least owned up to being a homewrecker. And he flat out accused Reese of throwing Ryan under the bus.
Um, Angelina never owned up to being a homewrecker. Just sayin.’
Reese and Jake for sure.
The pic is Demi Moore who used to date/married Bruce Willis and had children with him and she dated and now is married to the younger Ashton Kutcher. Ted has never identified Toothy’s beard only that she has been a blind item. IF this is Reese and if her people track gossip, expect an engagement announcement or quicky wedding.
As I said earlier, based on previous clues SS can’t be black because, when someone guessed ‘Oprah Winfrey’ Ted said “wrong race”. When someone guessed ‘Uma Therman’ he said “not as statuesque”. He also called SS a ‘WASP’ and said she’s “all smiles” (so not someone like Alanis Morisette no trouble getting gloomy). Going on the WASP hint, I’d also be presuming she is a blonde. That guess is strengthened by the SS initials which hints at someone aryan (blonde) in appearance.
Yep. Reese and Jake. They’re taking their fauxmance to the next level with a fake marriage. Disney, Bruckheimer, and Jake’s 10 percenters are all banking on Jake becoming a big action star with Prince of Persia. They would be very unhappy about any lingering gay rumors at this time. Ted can complain all he wants, but Toothy Tile won’t end the charade until he gives up ambition of being a well-paid action star (AKA no time soon).
If reese is a lesbian, what was she doing married to Ryan Phillipee. Why would she bother?
Ted doesn’t say Reese is a lesbian. He says she likes skuzzy Crawley-type guys and the big reveal – has developed a taste for a ladies as well. Reese started dating Ryan when she was 21. Maybe, just maybe, she didn’t know she would be sexually attracted to women then? Or if she was attracted, maybe she loved Ryan enough to give up women, just like she would be giving up other men in marriage?
“Disney, Bruckheimer, and Jake’s 10 percenters are all banking on Jake becoming a big action star with Prince of Persia.”
Prince of Persia might be a success but Jake, Disney and the rest of the world know that Jake can’t be big action star – Jake doesn’t have a face or voice for that.
Did you not see and hear his character threaten his father-in-law in “Brokeback Mountain”?
His character also lived in a man’s world, and was very much at ease.
It’s Reese Witherspoon.
Feb 2008
These A+ list female film actresses (when I say A+, there is no wishy washy, they are A+) are really different, but they do have one very big thing in common. A woman. That’s right. While one of the A+ listers is no stranger to women, the other A+ lister is, or would have the world believe she is. However, each of our A+ listers separately spent several months with a woman who must be magnificent or beautiful or extremely talented in the bedroom to attract the interest of these A+ listers. The only thing these two A+ listers have in common is the huge amount of money they get for making films. The fact that these two completely different personalities and looks could both fall for the same woman just boggles the mind. That, and the fact that at least one of the A+ listers has never shown a propensity to spend time with the same team. This one blew me away.
http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2008/02/todays-blind-items_18.html
Is it just me or does reading Ted’s blind bring on a seizure?
LOL!
What about Britney Spears?
I change my guess to ANNE HATHAWAY
ANNE HATHAWAY isn’t A+ yet
Angelina and Anne aren’t two completely different looks – both are tall and have dark hair.
Could some of you smarter than me people PLEASE email me the ‘fake’ names Ted uses? I think I got that toothy tile is jake gyllenhaal (sp) but his blinds make my eyes bleed and I have never figured out who was who. Also, does ted ever acknowledge when one is guessed correctly?
THANKS forever,
Sheila
Kate Hudson and A Rod!!!
Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem.
Oooh! I like the Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem guess! Salma H. as one of the curvy plus one’s perhaps…
Penelope was Tom Cruise and Matthew McConaughy’s special friend for many years and the rumors about those men are rampant. Penelope is Pedro Almodovar’s muse ( very out of the closet gay man), 35, never married, Javier 40, never married and both are gay activists. Latest gossip is that Penelope “looks” pregnant, which could explain Ted’s children being involved reference. Interesting lol
Ted is a whole lot pretentious! That’s the reason I don’t read his blinds.
Also, he used to hit AJ in print. Now, no more! Somebody got to the guy. Sounds like his job is on the line, concerning AJ; so he’s backed off. Just sayin’
i can definitely see that happening …. AJ would not cooperate with E! b/c of Ryan Seacrest
This is def Reese and Jake. Clues:
1. Did not mention her boyfriends Nickname bc anyone who reades blinds knows Jake is Toothy Tile.
2. She is known as a b*
3. Jakes supposed bf played a tennis player in “Wimbledon”,hence the tennis references.
4. Ryan cheated on Reese, reason for their breakup
PS, the peroxide must have seeped(sp) into Ted’s brain because his writing is atrocious. It makes my eyes hurt (seriously).
Oh DreamyVelvet, it’s like you’re in my mind…
The list of Sienna’s famous dates are as follows; Orlando Bloom, Daniel Craig, Jude Law, Leo DiCaprio, Hayden Christensen, James Franco, Josh Hartnett, P.Diddy, Rhys Ifans and Baltazar Getty. There are a few less known actors and models I didn’t name. This chick is busy and she is only 27. If it is Sienna that means Toothy Tile could be one of the above.