EOnline – Our superfamous naughty couple today is by no means as interesting as Hard-N*pple Nick and his megastar wife. Quite the opposite, in fact. Sorry! But get this:
It’s high time everybody met Jerry Rock-Butt and Chutney Jones—an insanely gorgeous duo. The stars (one A-List, one B-List, sorta) have been dating for a couple of years now and they’re the epitome of dull, dull, dull. Bland expressions when they’re out together, same routine dinners, blah blah and more blah. Yech, already.
But it wasn’t always that way, we assure you:
JR-B has always been a ladies’ man, and has quite the track record of bedded A-List hotties. Not that he always made it to a mattress, but you get the general idea, I’m sure. Oh, and these exes of Jare’s never let him lose his hard-partying ways. They were supersmart about that—quite unlike how stupidass (tightass) Chutney’s being with Jerry now.
See, Rock-Butt is no druggy—don’t get us wrong. But when he’s out with the boys or in a crazy mood, he doesn’t mind dabbling in the occasional Hollywood party favor: coke. J will do a couple of lines here and there, just to help him get his dance and flirt on.
But Chutney isn’t having any of that. Not that we condone drugs here at the A.T., but C.J. is just as pissed that Jerry does blow as she is that Jerry has fun! She’s such a stick in the overly coiffed spa mud, and she sure as hell isn’t any fun to take out—and that, of course, means Mr. Rock-Butt shouldn’t be out and about either, so Chutney thinks.
Well…let’s just say Jerry’s been sneaking off to Vegas a bit more than usual, as a result. Sin City is where Jare gets all his sins outta his system, fer sure.
And we think Jerry has had it with his leecher girlfriend. They’ve been on rocky ground for a while, and studly J is starting to miss the nightlife and bevy of hot female fans. And trust, this sexalicious guy could have practically anyone. Guys or girls. But he chooses the latter, despite his metro-esque appeal.
Here’s hoping JR-B ditches the douche ball and chain and goes back to the single life. Preferably for his first love. Now they were a fit like no other.
And It Ain’t: Sean “Diddy” Combs, Ryan Phillippe, Emile Hirsch