But let’s back up: Secretia, an impressively put-together gal of verve, good looks and surprising [...]]]> EOnline – Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off are as horny as they are famous—just don’t think they’re so hot for each other, that’s all. Hmmm. Certainly explains some very tabloid-messy love sitches the two have been caught in, more than once.

But let’s back up: Secretia, an impressively put-together gal of verve, good looks and surprising steeliness, has long gotten it on with tons o’ guys, even though the public pretty much doesn’t know. And some folks were a bit surprised when she married Chester, an incredibly talented dude who’s always so busy keeping his gorgeous face smiling, no one’s really stopped to think what a slut he is.

But major STD-alert? Man, is he ever:

Chester sleeps with guys as often as his career provides him with huge-ass checks. This was a little known fact when Chesty and Secretia married, to much public pronouncement. How wonderful the pretty charmer hooked the quieter, chiseled-jaw type. What a celebrity fairy-tale romance everybody thought it would be!

The public couldn’t have been more wrong—or uninformed.

The deliciously kinky arrangement Secretia and Chester have is this: She gets to hook up with all the guys she pleases—usually by picking their names out of bowls at classy swingers parties. (Is that sorta like calling an alcoholic who guzzles only Grey Goose a “classy drunk”?) And Chester gets to boink all the boys he wants.

That is their secret arrangement.

And, yes, the couple does—on occasion—have sex the old-fashioned married way (meaning, with each other). But hey, how long is that gonna last, I wonder? ‘Cause sooner or later, one of these beautiful couple’s myriad outside lovers is gonna blow the whistle. Or worse: Watch one of Secretia or Chester’s affairs fall in love with them, and then go hire Gloria Allred and call a press conference because they can’t have Ohio or Shorts-Off all to themselves!

Either way, it’s a precarious love sitch that’s just bound to pop—and how. What else do you expect when you pick your partner like he’s a piece of popcorn?

It Ain’t: Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller, John Travolta and Kelly Preston, Tiger and Elin Woods

He’s getting very nervous.

And [...]]]> EOnline – We haven’t heard much about Fey Oiled-Tush since he dripped (not enough) jewels all over Hollywood’s leading vamp movie star. So thought you all might like to know what the closeted big-time celeb’s been up to—besides getting it on with gorgeous young men up in his private plane, that is.

He’s getting very nervous.

And no, not just because Fey’s worried his myriad boy-lovers will squeal on him—they all have to sign confidentiality agreements, mind you—but because of Oiled-Tush’s pilot. Yep, the guy who’s seen it all, and how, is super pissed off…Can you guess why?

“It’s not the boys,” a source very close to the pilot revealed. “It’s how he’s being treated, which he thinks is really badly, and borderline unlawful.”

Turns out that Mr. Tush’s flier, who’s straight, has no prob watching all the gay mile-high club stuff go down (or up, as it were). But he does very much mind how Fey’s utterly controlling of his personal time, especially after they’ve all landed at various far-off locales. According to the pilot’s tight pals, Oiled-Tush locks his employee in hotel rooms and uses surveillance mechanisms on him, so as to oversee his every move.

To say the flyin’ dude—who’s totally not into the celeb scene to begin with—is majorly creeped out by all this is an understatement. Indeed, the pilot’s so damn alarmed by his boss’s evil-eye behavior, he called his lawyer and threatened legal action, which he has begun.

Will Mr. Tush wise up and lighten up on the guy, maybe throw in a cool million as an apology, while he’s at it?

He will if he’s smart, that’s for sure. ‘Cause it was really stupid-o-la, to begin with, to even mess with a dude who had no intention of messing with your closeted ass, until you started treating him like a prisoner in some kind of James Bond movie.

It Ain’t: Harrison Ford, Mike Myers, Tobey Maguire